Black humor; City and town life -- Fiction; Intellectuals -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction; Satire
“He who is not with me is against me,” said Coleman. “If you can’t make
up your mind to be with, it’s surely better to be positively against
than merely negatively indifferent.”
“Nonsense!” exclaimed Rosie feebly.
“When I call my lover a nymphomaniacal dog, she runs the pen-knife into
my arm.”
“Well, do you enjoy it?” asked Rosie.
“Piercingly,” he answered. “It is at once sordid to the last and lowest
degree and infinitely and eternally significant.”
Coleman was silent and Rosie too said nothing. Futilely she wished it
_had_ been Toto instead of this horrible, dangerous Cossack. Mr.
Mercaptan ought to have warned her. But then, of course, he supposed
that she already knew the creature. She looked up at him and found his
bright eyes fixed upon her; he was silently laughing.
“Don’t you want to know who I am?” she asked. “And how I got here?”
Coleman blandly shook his head. “Not in the very least,” he said.
Rosie felt more helpless, somehow, than ever. “Why not?” she asked as
bravely and impertinently as she could.
Coleman answered with another question. “Why should I?”
“It would be natural curiosity.”
“But I know all I want to know,” he said. “You are a woman, or, at any
rate, you have all the female stigmata. Not too sumptuously
well-developed, let me add. You have no wooden legs. You have eyelids
that flutter up and down over your eyes like a moving shutter in front
of a signalling lamp, spelling out in a familiar code the letters:
A.M.O.R., and not, unless I am very much mistaken, those others:
C.A.S.T.I.T.A.S. You have a mouth that looks as though it knew how to
taste and how to bite. You....”
Rosie jumped up. “I’m going away,” she said.
Coleman leaned back in his chair and hallooed with laughter. “Bite,
bite, bite,” he said. “Thirty-two times.” And he opened and shut his
mouth as fast as he could, so that his teeth clicked against one another
with a little dry, bony noise. “Every mouthful thirty-two times. That’s
what Mr. Gladstone said. And surely Mr. Gladstone”—he rattled his sharp,
white teeth again—“surely Mr. Gladstone should know.”
“Good-bye,” said Rosie from the door.
“Good-bye,” Coleman called back; and immediately afterwards jumped to
his feet and made a dash across the room towards her.
Rosie uttered a cry, slipped through the door and, slamming it behind
her, ran across the vestibule and began fumbling with the latches of the
outer door. It wouldn’t open, it wouldn’t open. She was trembling; fear
made her feel sick. There was a rattling at the door behind her. There
was a whoop of laughter, and then the Cossack’s hands were on her arms,
his face came peering over her shoulder, and the blond beard dabbled
with blood prickled against her neck and face.
“Oh, don’t, don’t, don’t!” she implored, turning away her head. Then all
at once she began violently crying.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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