all-shell sports model with full dress! Revolting solecism! The people who read advertisements like that begin to feel uncomfortable; they have only one pair of glasses, they are afraid of being laughed at, thought low-class and ignorant and suburban. And since there are few who would not rather be taken in adultery than in provincialism, they rush out to buy four new pairs of spectacles. And the manufacturer gets rich, Mr. Gumbril. Now, we must do something of the kind with our trousers. Imply somehow that they’re correct, that you’re undressed without, that you’re fiancée would break off the engagement if she saw you sitting down to dinner on anything but air.” Mr. Boldero shrugged his shoulders, vaguely waved his hand. “It may be rather difficult,” said Gumbril, shaking his head. “It may,” Mr. Boldero agreed. “But difficulties are made to be overcome. We must pull the string of snobbery and shame: it’s essential. We must find out methods for bringing the weight of public opinion to bear mockingly on those who do not wear our trousers. It is difficult at the moment to see how it can be done. But it will have to be done, it will have to be done,” Mr. Boldero repeated emphatically. “We might even find a way of invoking patriotism to our aid. ‘English trousers filled with English air, for English men.’ A little far-fetched, perhaps. But there might be something in it.” Gumbril shook his head doubtfully. “Well, it’s one of the things we’ve got to think about in any case,” said Mr. Boldero. “We can’t afford to neglect such powerful social emotions as these. Sex, as we’ve seen, is almost entirely out of the question. We must run the rest, therefore, as hard as we can. For instance, there’s the novelty business. People feel superior if they possess something new which their neighbours haven’t got. The mere fact of newness is an intoxication. We must encourage that sense of superiority, brew up that intoxication. The most absurd and futile objects can be sold because they’re new. Not long ago I sold four million patent soap-dishes of a new and peculiar kind. The point was that you didn’t screw the fixture into the bathroom wall; you made a hole in the wall and built the soap-dish into a niche, like a holy water stoup. My soap-dishes possessed no advantages over other kinds of soap-dishes, and they cost a fantastic amount to instal. But I managed to put them across, simply because they were new. Four million of them.” Mr. Boldero smiled with satisfaction at the recollection. “We shall do the same, I hope, with our trousers. People may be shy of being the first to appear in them; but the shyness will be compensated for by the sense of superiority and elation produced by the consciousness of the newness of the things.” “Quite so,” said Gumbril.