The nightingale had ceased to sing. It was sleeping on its young brood.
All was still, and the young zephyr (the night breeze of those days) was
slumbering so sweetly that it did not even stir a blade of grass. Paris
too was asleep, at all events the tranquil quarter of which the hôtel
D'Estrelle marked the outer limit. The sounds of the country were more
audible there than those of the city; at that hour they were confined to
an occasional cock-crow and the barking of a dog in the distance at long
intervals. The clocks rang out in clear tones, answering one another
from convent to convent; then everything relapsed into blissful silence;
and if one could hear the distant rumbling of a carriage on the pavement
of the real Paris, it resembled the dull murmur of the waves rather than
a sound produced by human activity.
Julie, tired out and slightly bewildered, breathed deep of the
tranquillity of the night, of that perfume of solitude, with the keenest
pleasure. She fixed her eyes on a great white star, which shone near the
moon and was reflected in the same basin. At first she sat there without
thinking, oblivious of everything, enjoying absolute repose; soon her
heart began to beat so violently that it pained her; first she felt hot,
then cold. She rose to go away. She went to her bedroom window, but she
did not knock. She returned to the stone bench. She sat down and wept.
Then she rose and walked around the basin like a soul in torment; at
last she stopped, smiling like a soul at peace. She consented to
question herself, and when her heart replied: _I love_, she was
frightened and forbade it to speak. Then she called her conscience to
account for that terror, that shrinking austerity, opposed to the laws
of nature and useless to God. Her conscience replied that it had nothing
to do with it, and that the obstacle was not due to it but to the
_reason_, a sort of artificial conscience wherein God and nature gave
precedence to conventional ideas, fear, selfish scheming, precautions
due to misapprehension of one's real interests. In this order of
reasoning everything was expressed in terms of six-franc pieces. Marcel
had reason on his side in view of the actual facts. So the heart must be
sacrificed to the most sordid of facts, to the implacable menace of
poverty.
"No," said Julie to herself, "that shall not be! If necessary I will
sell everything, I will have nothing of my own, I will work; but I
_will_ love, even though I have to ask alms! Besides, _he_ will work for
three, he who works now for two! He will undertake that burden, he will
be overjoyed to do it if he loves me! In his place, I should be so
overjoyed!"
Julie began to walk again with increasing agitation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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