'If that woman should return,' pursued the girl, fixing her dark,
eloquent eyes intently upon the Goth's countenance, 'take me quickly
where she cannot come. My heart grows cold as I look on her! She will
kill me if she can approach me again! My father's anger is very
fearful, but hers is horrible--horrible--horrible! Hush! already I
hear her coming back--let us go--I will follow you wherever you
please--but let us not delay while there is time to depart! She will
destroy me if she sees me now, and I cannot die yet! Oh my preserver,
my compassionate defender, I cannot die yet!'
'No one shall harm you--no on shall approach you to-night--you are
secure from all dangers in this tent,' said the Goth, gazing on her
with undissembled astonishment and admiration.
'I will tell you why death is so dreadful to me,' she continued, and
her voice deepened as she spoke, to tones of mournful solemnity,
strangely impressive in a creature so young. 'I have lived much alone,
and have had no companions but my thoughts, and the sky that I could
look up to, and the things on the earth that I could watch. As I have
seen the clear heaven and the soft fields, and smelt the perfume of
flowers, and heard the voices of singing-birds afar off, I have
wondered why the same God who made all this, and made me, should have
made grief and pain and hell--the dread eternal hell that my father
speaks of in his church. I never looked at the sun-light, or woke from
my sleep to look on and to think of the distant stars, but I longed to
love something that might listen to my joy. But my father forbade me
to be happy! He frowned even when he gave me my flower-garden--though
God made flowers. He destroyed my lute--though God made music. My
life has been a longing in loneliness for the voices of friends! My
heart has swelled and trembled within me, because when I walked in the
garden and looked on the plains and woods and high, bright mountains
that were round me, I knew that I loved them alone! Do you know now
why I dare not die? It is because I must find first the happiness
which I feel God has made for me. It is because I must live to praise
this wonderful, beautiful world with others who enjoy it as I could!
It is because my home has been among those who sigh, and never among
those who smile! It is for this that I fear to die! I must find
companions whose prayers are in singing and in happiness, before I go
to the terrible hereafter that all dread. I dare not die! I dare not
die!'
As she uttered these last words she began to weep bitterly. Between
amazement and compassion the young Goth was speechless. He looked down
upon the small, soft hand that she had placed on his arm while she
spoke, and saw that it trembled; he pressed it, and felt that it was
cold; and in the first impulse of pity produced by the action, he found
the readiness of speech which he had hitherto striven for in vain.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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