Apologia DiffidentisDalton, O. M. (Ormonde Maddock)
Philosophy
Apologia Diffidentis
Dalton, O. M. (Ormonde Maddock)
Bashfulness
Much as the companionships of nature have meant for me, I would not have
any man content himself with these alone. It is not right to live the
slave of Pales, or become the rhapsode of docks and nettles. To be all
for the lower life, were it the fairest, is derogation; and Har and Heva
before they may enter into their kingdom of the flowers must first be
fallen spirits. But continually in the interludes of human endeavour to
rebathe the mind at these clear wells does indeed exceedingly purify and
strengthen against the returning and imminent encounter. Those long
retreats at Walden may not often be repeated, for man is either risen
too high or too far fallen to live well in the sole company of animals
and flowers. What sociologists call the consciousness of kind is as
vital to man as the consciousness of self; and to pine for adoption into
an alien kind is vain on this side transmigration.
Not seldom my wanderings in town and country lead me to quiet
churchyards, or to those vast cemeteries where the living have
established the dead in avenues and streets of tombs after their drear
suburban fashion. Solitude has ever persuaded to the contemplation of
death, and in these silent places I feel no shock of sadness but am
rather possessed by a familiar spirit of peace. As I wander from path to
path, my fancy is not lamed by mournful thoughts, but finds suggestion
amid the poor laconic histories by which these headstones appeal to him
that passes by.
It is with most men a natural desire to take their last rest in some
green God's acre, far from the smoke and turmoil of towns, lying in a
fair space amid a small company, where there is a wide prospect of
tilled lands, and the reapers cut the swathes against the very
churchyard wall. And this is my most usual aspiration; yet there are
times when I would not shrink in thought from the Valley of Ezekiel, and
would be content to be written a mere number in some city of the dead,
where at last after all the loneliness of life I should no longer be
kept apart, but be gathered to my fellows where they lie in their
thousands, and be received a member of their society. And though I well
know that it matters not a cummin-seed whether my bones are washed to
and fro on the bed of the sea or my ashes cast to the winds of heaven,
yet I humour this fancy, and find a quiet pleasure in the thought that
death at least may end this isolation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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