It is but a momentary touch, a thing of an instant, but it includes a
whole world of meaning. Lady Swansdown has sprung to her feet, and is
looking at him with eyes that seem to burn through the mystic darkness.
She is trembling in every limb. Her nostrils are dilated. Her haughty
mouth is quivering, and there--are there honest, real tears in those
mocking eyes?
Baltimore, too, has risen. His face is very white, very full of
contrition. That he regrets his action toward her is unmistakable, but
that there is a deeper contrition behind--a sense of self-loathing not
to be appeased betrays itself in the anguish of his eyes. She had
accused him of falsity, most falsely up to this, but now--now----His
mind has wandered far away.
There is something so wild in his expression that Lady Swansdown loses
sight of herself in the contemplation of it.
"What is it, Baltimore?" asks she, in a low, frightened tone. It rouses
him.
"I have offended you beyond pardon," begins he, but more like one
seeking for words to say than one afraid of using them. "I have angered
you----"
"Do not mistake me," interrupts she quickly, almost fiercely. "I am not
angry. I feel no anger--nothing--but that I am a traitor."
"And what am I?"
"Work out your own condemnation for yourself," says she, still with that
feverish self-disdain upon her. "Don't ask me to help you. She was my
friend, whatever she is now. She trusted me, believed in me. And after
all----And you," turning passionately, "you are doubly a traitor, you
are a husband."
"In name!" doggedly. He has quite recovered himself now. Whatever
torture his secret soul may impress upon him in the future, no one but
he shall know.
"It doesn't matter. You belong to her, and she to you."
"That is what she doesn't think," bitterly.
"There is one thing only to be said, Baltimore," says she, after a
slight pause. "This must never occur again. I like you, you know that.
I----" she breaks off abruptly, and suddenly gives way to a sort of
mirthless laughter. "It is a farce!" she says. "Consider my feeling
anything. And so virtuous a thing, too, as remorse! Well, as one lives,
one learns. If I had seen the light for the first time in the middle of
the dark ages, I should probably have ended my days as the prioress of a
convent. As it is, I shouldn't wonder if I went in for hospital nursing
presently. Pshaw!" angrily, "it is useless lamenting. Let me face the
truth. I have acted abominably toward her so far, and the worst of it
is"--with a candor that seems to scorch her--"I know if the chance be
given me, I shall behave abominably toward her again. I shall leave
to-morrow--the day after. One must invent a decent excuse."
"Pray don't leave on Lady Baltimore's account," says he slowly, "she
would be the last to care about this. I am nothing to her."
"Is your wish father to that thought?" regarding him keenly.
"No. I assure you. The failing I mention is plain to all the world I
should have thought."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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