"There is this to be said, then. I will promise to answer you this day
twelve-month."
"Twelve months," says he, with consternation; his grasp on her hands
loosens.
"If the prospect frightens or displeases you, there is nothing more to
be said," rejoins she coldly. It is she who is calm and composed, he is
nervous and anxious.
"But a whole year!"
"That is nothing," says she, releasing her hands, with a little
determined show of strength, from his. "It is for you to decide. I don't
care!"
Perhaps she hardly grasps the cruelty that lies in this half-impatient
speech, until she sees Dysart's face flush painfully.
"You need not have said that," says he. "I know it. I am nothing to you
really." He pauses, and then says again in a low tone, "Nothing."
"Oh, you mustn't feel so much!" cries she, as if tortured. "It is folly
to feel at all in this world. What's the good of it. And to feel about
me, I am not worth it. If you would only bear that in mind, it might
help you."
"If I bore that in mind I should not want to make you my wife!" returns
he steadily, gravely. "Think as you will yourself, you do not shake my
faith in you. Well," with a deep breath, "I accept your terms. For a
year I shall feel myself bound to you (though that is a farce, for I
shall always be bound to you, soul and body) while you shall hold
yourself free, and try to----"
"No, no. We must both be equal--both free, while I--" she stops short,
coloring warmly, and laughing, "what is it I am to try to do?"
"To love me!" replies he, with infinite sadness in look and tone.
"Yes," says Joyce slowly, and then again meditatively, "yes." She lifts
her eyes presently and regards him strangely. "And if all my trying
should not succeed? If I never learn to love you?"
"Why, then it is all over. This hope of mine is at an end," say he, so
calmly, yet with such deep melancholy, such sad foreboding, that her
heart is touched.
"Oh! it is a hope of mine too," says she quickly. "If it were not would
I listen to you to-day? But you must not be so downhearted; let the
worst come to the worst, you will be as well off as you are at this
instant."
He shakes his head.
"Does hope count for nothing, then?"
"You would compel me to love you," says she, growing the more vexed as
she grows the more sorry for him. "Would you have me marry you even if I
did not love you?" Her soft eyes have filled with tears, there is a
suspicion of reproach in her voice.
"No. I suppose not."
He half turns away from her. At this moment a sense of despair falls on
him. She will never care for him, never, never. This proposed probation
is but a mournful farce, a sorry clinging to a hope that is built on
sand. When in the future she marries, as so surely she will, he will not
be her husband. Why not give in at once? Why fight with the impossible?
Why not break all links (frail as they are sweet), and let her go her
way, and he his, while yet there is time? To falter is to court
destruction.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account