A mellow, luminous, witch-like radiance seemed to surround them as they
went--two dazzling figures gliding on before him with the slow, light
grace of moonbeams flitting over a smooth ocean. They seemed made for
each other, ... he could not separate them in his thoughts; but the
strangest part of the matter was the feeling he had, that he himself
somehow belonged to them and they to him. His ideas on the subject,
however, were very indefinite; he was in a condition of more or less
absolute passiveness, save when strong shudders of grief, memory,
remorse or roused passion shook him with sudden force like a storm
blast shaking some melancholy cypress whose roots are in the grave. He
mused on Lysia's scornful words with a perplexed pain. Was he then so
selfish? "The one great absolute 'I' scrawled on the face of Nature!"
Could that apply to him? Surely not! since in his present state of mind
he could hardly lay claim to any distinct personality, seeing that that
personality was forever merging itself and getting lost in the more
clearly perfect identity of Sah-luma, whom he regarded with a species
of profound hero-worship such as one man seldom feels for another. To
call himself a Poet NOW seemed the acme of absurdity; how should such
an one as he attempt to conquer fame with a rival like Sah-luma already
in the field and already supremely victorious?
Full of these fancies, he scarcely heeded the wonders through which he
passed, as he followed his two radiant guides along. His eyes were
tired, and rested almost indifferently on the magnificence that
everywhere surrounded him, though here and there certain objects
attracted his attention as being curiously familiar. These lofty
corridors, gorgeously frescoed, . . these splendid groups of statuary,
. . these palm-shaded nooks of verdure where imprisoned nightingales
warbled plaintive songs that were all the sweeter for their sadness,
... these spacious marble loggias cooled by the rising and falling
spray of myriad fountains--did he not dimly recognize all these things?
He thought so, yet was not sure,--for he had arrived at a pass when he
could neither rely on his reason nor his memory. Naught of deeper
humiliation could he have than this, to feel within himself that he was
still AN INTELLECTUAL, THINKING, SENTIENT HUMAN BEING, and that yet at
the same time, his INTELLIGENCE COULD DO NOTHING TO EXTRICATE HIM from
the terrific mystery which had engulfed him like a huge flood, and
wherein he was now tossed to and fro as helplessly as a floating straw.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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