“Last year,” the ragged parrot-voice croaked out, “I made up my mind to
be like other girls. I didn’t see why I wasn’t popular in the way they
were—with men, I mean. I wanted so much to be. My roommate—and she’s my
best friend, too—said it was because I was prudish. You can’t be
_prudish_ if you want invitations to fraternity dances and things. Patty
told me how she worked it. She said she’d begun herself by not being
very keen on necking, but it grew on you. So she got a few dates for me
through her dates, and I went ahead, trying her plan out. But it didn’t
work. I couldn’t pretend well enough. And then, of course, the dates
didn’t repeat. I didn’t much mind, for if popularity came that way it
wasn’t worth the price, I’d learned, you see. So I went in for Drama
instead, and compensated by trying to make my dent acting. And I got
quite happy again. Patty and I sort of drifted apart. But giving up the
ambition to be popular was like coming out of prison and I could bear
even losing Patty.
“Then all of a sudden, Ariel, the whole works went bang.... Because I
met Prescott. And I had to laugh. For how can you really let a man kiss
you so it counts, until you’re really and truly crazy for him to kiss
you? I ask you?”
This last was no mere slang phrase. Anne was seriously asking Ariel. And
Ariel replied sharply, “You can’t, of course. That’s the whole secret;
anybody knows.”
Anne laughed, if one could call it laughter. It was neither sob nor
speech, at any rate. And went on. “There’s something tremendous about
wanting to be kissed like that. You don’t know whether it’s pain or
bliss. It’s both, I guess, full up to the brim of your heart, really....
When he touched my hand, even by accident, it was like the world coming
to an end. I thought I’d die of it. And it seemed to be like that with
him too.
“Patty said I was coming along,—for I’d won back her respect again,
attracting a man like Prescott. She warned me to be careful, though. But
there has never been any danger. It was Prescott who was careful. So far
as I was concerned he could have had anything he wanted of me. Why not?
After kisses like that?
“But it didn’t affect _him_ that way I guess. Just his loving me as much
as he did was bliss. And I didn’t want him to want to marry me, after he
explained to me his point of view on marriage and I had read ‘Stephen’s
Fall,’ and all. It wouldn’t have been Prescott, you see, married
stodgily to a nice girl! I was glad he was just himself and I was
_proud_ that he could tell me frankly just how much he didn’t care for
me as well as how much he did, if you know what I mean.”
“Yes,” Ariel agreed. “I do know. Loving a person doesn’t mean wanting to
change them, even if changing them would only mean their being able to
love you better. You love them because they are the way they are....”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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