Then the calm of reason succeeded to the tumultuous excitement of
passion; I could think calmly of my real position towards Madame de
Pënâfiel. I had never alluded in any way to the great affection I bore
her; why, then, should I be astonished at her confession, and the secret
I thought I had discovered? How could I have treated her so? A woman,
suffering perhaps from an unreturned affection, an incurable love, who
was ignorant of my feelings towards her, and, relying on my generosity,
came to me, if not for consolation, at least for my sympathy and pity.
But my watchful jealousy and my anger were not to be quieted by these
wise reflections. Who was that man whose portrait I had meant to crush?
I had been in constant attendance on Madame de Pënâfiel for a long
time, and I had seen no one that I could suppose to be the object of
this unrequited passion that I suspected.
Her grief and her regrets, therefore, had existed for a long time. I
understood now many singularities that were never clearly seen before,
and that were so variously interpreted by the world, her sudden
silences, her ennui, her disdain, her wild outbursts of enthusiasm which
some souvenir would evoke, and which, as often as not, ended in fits of
regret or despair. There was some object in her coquetry and her
constant desire to please, but when could this mysterious personage
enjoy the sight of all these charms? I sought the answer to this enigma
in vain, though I remembered the reticence of her last conversation, and
her embarrassment when, no doubt, she was on the point of telling me her
secret sorrow.
But who could be the object of this fervent and unfortunate passion? Of
this love that had caused her for the last few weeks a more profound
grief than ever before?
Loving Marguerite as I loved her, ought I to attempt to offer her the
tenderest of consolations? Might I hope to supplant in her heart this
painful souvenir? Would I succeed if I made the attempt, should I dare
to try? Tortured by regret and despair, this unhappy woman, who was so
noble and refined, had become so susceptible through suffering, and so
shy, that, for fear of wounding her sensitive nature, I could not,
without the greatest tact, speak to her of a happier future.
And yet, in asking me to bewail her sufferings, had she not with rare
delicacy and tact understood that certain great misfortunes invest one
with such dignity, such majestic sorrow, that the most devoted, the most
loving are compelled to be silent, and to wait until the victim of this
royal grief speaks first, as other princes are obliged to do, and says,
"Come to me, for my misfortune is great."
What hope could I now have, even supposing Madame de Pënâfiel to have
given way to a secret liking for me when she addressed me with such
confidence? My language to her had been so brutal, so strange, that it
was impossible for me to imagine what the consequences might be.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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