How despairing was my regret! With what bitterness I again recalled all
I had lost as I contemplated this touching and chaste picture, in
admiring that home which was so poor and yet seemed so blessed of God.
I know not how long a time I remained absorbed in such thoughts, but it
must have been late when I again looked into the salon, for Frank was
standing and contemplating his work with the fugitive and pleased look
of an artist who is charmed and proud of his work. This satisfaction,
rapid and ephemeral as it is, which only lasts a moment, reveals to the
artist in that one moment the resplendent beauty of his work in all its
perfections. Then, strange phenomenon, this divine lustre once gone,
this consciousness of genius once extinct, the artist loses all
remembrance of it. It is no more than a vague and far-off dream, whose
memory excites him without reassuring him, and he becomes crushed to
earth under the terrible doubt as to the real worth of his
talents,--eternal torture to a sensitive soul who can compare the
limitations of art to the grandeur of nature.
After having contemplated his drawing, Frank smiled sadly, covered it
over, and went towards a little secretary which stood on the other side
of the fireplace. He opened a drawer, took out a purse, and, having put
to one side some pieces of gold, he sighed as he looked at the little
that remained.
Almost at the same instant he glanced quickly and sadly at his wife and
her child; then with his forehead bent on his hands he remained for some
time with his elbows on the mantelpiece.
I understood it all.
No doubt this brave man was experiencing one of those terrible alarms
during which the reality of his position crushes him with its chilling,
deadening weight. The radiant wings of his bright genius, which for a
moment he had spread out so gloriously, had dashed against that hideous
phantom, which always stands like an open sepulchre,--want! And he had a
wife, a child,--and that wife was Hélène!
However, after a moment of reflection, Frank proudly raised his
beautiful head; his eyes, though moistened with tears, shone with
courage and with hope. It may have only been by chance, but his gaze, so
touching, and so full of energy, fell on "The Descent from the Cross,"
by Rembrandt, one of the engravings which ornamented the salon.
Thus, as he contemplated this symbol of suffering on earth, Frank's
features gradually became serene and grave. Perhaps he was ashamed of
his weakness and discouragement, when he remembered the immeasurable
sorrow and the angelic patience of the One whose Calvary was so high and
whose cross was so heavy.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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