went from you the shock would be great. My philosophy taught me the
penalty of emotion, and I thought I had much to do in the world. I
dreamed of work that would absorb me utterly--that would take the best
that was in me, of feeling and of effort. All my life I had denied
myself the passion that my eyes told me was growing in you. I had grown
to consider myself apart from others--a mental solitary who had locked
the door of his heart because he had work to do. It had not occurred
to me that the Juggernaut whose rumbling wheels I would not hear might
crush you. It was the concert at the Metropolitan that opened my
eyes. I knew then that your art and your heart had twined together so
intimately that if one were cut, the other would bleed. I knew then
that I must either go or stay, that if I became a stronger part of you
my going would be fatal to your own achievement and to mine. Dear, it
was not all selfishness--this resolve of mine. You will never know what
it meant to me to tear up the roots that had grown in spite of me: it
was like tearing the flesh and leaving it quivering. But that I could
have borne if it left you better able to go on. I did not know then
what I know now. I blame myself that I did not read truer. The news of
your breakdown and the giving up of your music came to me like a blow
in the dark. In showing me yours, it has shown me my own heart. The
depths of my self-condemnation have taught me myself. It has taught me
that achievement is a pitiful thing compared with a woman’s love--that
your happiness means more to me--a thousand times more--than success:
that I love you--I love you--utterly and wholly--and that I want you to
be my wife. The future is impossible to me without you. Each day since
I saw you, your step has been in every sound. Each night your face
has been my vision. Here from my window I can see a little knoll on
which is a cross, where the peasants go to pray to the patron saint of
the village. It is ugly, and battered, and old, but it has come to be
beautiful to me, for I know now what they are praying for. The hills
are gold with the grain, and a little winding path runs down toward my
eyrie. I can almost imagine you coming down it now to meet me, with
your dear face raised to my window--”
As Glenn finished the page, the boy tapped at the little door with
the daily mail, and he reached out an indifferent hand to take it. A
familiar flourish caught his eye, and, recognizing Richmond Briarley’s
penmanship, he opened a bulky envelope. A card, closely written, and a
small book met his gaze.
CHAPTER VIII.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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