A few days ago, I had a busy tiresome morning hammering into shape a
stupid prosaic passage, of no suggestiveness; a mere statement, the only
beauty of which could be that it should be absolutely lucid; and this
beauty it resolutely refused to assume. Then the agent called to see me,
and we talked business of a dull kind. Then I walked a little way among
fields; and when I was in a pleasant flat piece of ground, full of
thickets, where the stream makes a bold loop among willows and alders,
the sun set behind a great bastion of clouds that looked like a huge
fortification. It had been one of those days of cloudless skies, all
flooded with the pale cold honey-coloured light of the winter sun, until
a sense almost of spring came into the air; and in a sheltered place I
found a little golden hawk-weed in full flower.
It had not been a satisfactory day at all to me. The statement that I
had toiled so hard all the morning to make clear was not particularly
worth making; it could effect but little at best, and I had worked at
it in a British doggedness of spirit, regardless of its value and only
because I was determined not to be beaten by it.
But for all that I came home in a rare and delightful frame of mind, as
if I had heard a brief and delicate passage of music, a conspiracy
of sweet sounds and rich tones; or as if I had passed through a sweet
scent, such as blows from a clover-field in summer. There was no
definite thought to disentangle: it was rather as if I had had a glimpse
of the land which lies east of the sun and west of the moon, had seen
the towers of a castle rise over a wood of oaks; met a company of
serious people in comely apparel riding blithely on the turf of a forest
road, who had waved me a greeting, and left me wondering out of what
rich kind of scene they had stepped to bless me. It left me feeling
as though there were some beautiful life, very near me, all around me,
behind the mirror, outside of the door, beyond the garden-hedges, if I
could but learn the spell which would open it to me; left me pleasantly
and happily athirst for a life of gracious influences and of an unknown
and perfect peace; such as creeps over the mind for the moment at the
sight of a deep woodland at sunset, when the forest is veiled in the
softest of blue mist; or at the sound of some creeping sea, beating
softly all night on a level sand; or at the prospect of a winter sun
going down into smoky orange vapours over a wide expanse of pastoral
country; or at the soft close of some solemn music--when peace seems not
only desirable beyond all things but attainable too.
How can one account for this sudden and joyful visitation? I am going to
try and set down what I believe to be the explanation, if I can
reduce to words a thought which is perfectly clear to me, however
transcendental it may seem.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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