Who are the people in this short life of ours whom one remembers with
deep and abiding gratitude? Not those who have rebuked, and punished,
and satirised, and humiliated us, striking down the stricken, and
flattening the prostrate--but the people who have been patient with us,
and kind, who have believed in us, and comforted us, and welcomed us,
and forgiven us everything; who have given us largely of their love, who
have lent without requiring payment, who have given us emotional rather
than prudential reasons, who have cared for us, not as a duty but by
some divine instinct, who have made endless excuses for us, believing
that the true self was there and would emerge, who have pardoned our
misdeeds and forgotten our meannesses.
This is what I would believe of God--that He is not our censorious and
severe critic, but our champion and lover, not loving us in spite of
what we are, but because of what we are; Who in the days of our strength
rejoices in our joy, and does not wish to overshadow it, like the
conscientious human mentor, with considerations that we must yet be
withered like grass; and Who, when the youthful ebullience dies away,
and the spring grows weak, and we wonder why the zest has died out of
simple pleasures, out of agreeable noise and stir, is still with us,
reminding us that the wisdom we are painfully and surely gaining is a
deeper and more lasting quality than even the hot impulses of youth.
Once in my life have I conceived what might have been, if I had had the
skill to paint it, an immortal picture. It was thus. I was attending a
Christmas morning service in a big parish church. I was in a pew facing
east; close to me, in a transept, in a pew facing sideways, there sat a
little old woman, who had hurried in just before the service began. She
was a widow, living, I afterwards learnt, in an almshouse hard by.
She was old and feeble, very poor, and her life had been a series of
calamities, relieved upon a background of the hardest and humblest
drudgery. She had lost her husband years ago by a painful and terrible
illness. She had lost her children one by one; she was alone in the
world, save for a few distant and indifferent relatives. To get into the
almshouse had been for her a stroke of incredible and inconceivable good
fortune. She had a single room, with a tiny kitchen off it. She had
very little to say for herself; she could hardly read. No one took any
particular interest in her; but she was a kindly, gallant, unselfish old
soul, always ready to bear a hand, full of gratitude for the kindnesses
she had received--and God alone knows how few they had been.
She had a small, ugly, homely face, withered and gnarled hands; and she
was dressed that day in a little old bonnet of unheard-of age, and in
dingy, frowsy black clothes, shiny and creased, that came out of their
box perhaps half-a-dozen times a year.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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