England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
"What has come over you, childie?" he said, beginning to feel vaguely
alarmed.
She had disengaged herself from his arms, and was walking away to the
window.
"Oh, nothing. Only it is a pity you leave your coats about. I should
never have known if you had not been so careless. At least, I fancy I
have known all the winter," she added dreamily, as if to herself.
"Known what?" he asked in a voice he did not seem to recognize. But he
knew; and he felt rather worse than when he had stood in the porch that
afternoon, watching Joan over the fields. "What a hellish sport marriage
is!" he added in a bitter undertone.
She heard him, and came back to his side.
"Digby."
"Well? I don't want you to touch me, if you would rather not," he said
roughly, and did not look at her.
"I want to tell you," she went on softly. "I found Joan's letter, and I
read it as a matter of course; I thought it was about--oh, never mind
what. That was the day you went down to Murville; and I could not speak
to you then. It has been so dreadful waiting for you to come back,
Digby. Are you not going to look at me, now you have come?"
He turned round bewildered, and saw her eyes full of tears.
"Good God, Norah, do you mean you can know that, and--?"
"Yes, dear. I think I know more than you. I think I know how you have
been feeling lately, and all the winter. But I did not know it was as
bad as this, and when I read that letter--do you know how I felt? I
think I must tell you, Digby; I have had something to bear too, you
know. I felt first that something terrible had come between you and me,
something that wanted pushing away with all my might; and I couldn't do
it alone, Digby, and you--you were not there to help me. And then--I
only felt sorry for you. I have just longed for you to come back that I
might put my arms round you and comfort you, and tell you that I knew.
Digby, don't turn away like that."
"But--it is inconceivable--do you know what you are saying? Do you know
that if that letter had not been written, I should have--?" He paused,
for he could not bring himself to finish the sentence. But she sprang
away from him suddenly, and stood in front of him in the middle of the
room, with her hands clasped at the back of her head, and a blaze of
triumph in her eyes.
"No, no, not that!" she cried; "never that! I knew it could not be. If I
had thought you capable of that, should I be speaking to you now like
this? Do you think women are such fools then? _I_ know, _she_ knew--that
you were not capable of it, that you never meant it, that it was one of
your queer impulses that make me love you so madly, and that she can
never forgive in you. _That_ is why she wrote you that letter. _That_ is
why you are mine now, mine, mine, mine!"
The musician fell in love more thoroughly that afternoon than he had
ever fallen in love before.
He fell in love with his own wife.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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