After all, there was a boyish simplicity about Hardy; otherwise the idea
of living for a year alone on the Rockies, to make himself "fit to love
Audrey," would hardly have occurred to him. As it was, that guileless
scheme proved fatal in its results. The loneliness, the privation, the
excitement and fatigue of his sportsman's life--for with all his
boasting he was a true sportsman--had roused some old hereditary impulse
in his blood, and he found himself worsted by the craving for drink
before he was aware of its existence in him. But the thought of Audrey
was always present with him; and it kept him up. He fought himself hand
to hand, and won the fight ten times for once that he was beaten. He was
literally saved by hope. Happily for him, when he had finished the
stores he brought out with him, it was almost as difficult to satisfy
his craving as it was to annihilate it. When he came home the tendency
was sleeping in him still; and though, as long as he had hope, it might
have slept for ever, when hope was gone it was there, ready to take
possession of him. His love for Audrey was the strongest passion in his
nature. It filled the horizon of his life. He looked before and after,
and could see nothing else but it. It was of the kind that deepens
through its own monotony. Now that Audrey had cast him off, there was no
reason for the struggle, because there was nothing more to struggle for,
and nothing to live for unless it were to kill life in the act of
living. That indeed was something.
After the first month or so of it, he had no further interest in his
present course. He chose it now as the form of suicide least likely to
be recognised as such.
Perhaps--who knows?--if he had had any friends who would have given him
a helping hand, it might never have come to this. But, in the first
place, Hardy had no home that could be called a home. His mother was
fond of him in her way; but she was now a hysterical invalid, abject
under the influence of her second husband, and year by year his
step-father's jealousy (the jealousy of a childless man) had driven the
mother and son further apart. Of the Havilands, whom he would naturally
have turned to, he had seen nothing for the last few months. Ted
disliked meeting him, and he on his part was equally anxious to avoid
Ted. That was how Katherine remained ignorant of the truth until she was
enlightened by Mrs. Rogers.
"It yn't _my_ business," said that excellent woman, as she began to dust
the studio one morning, in the leisurely manner that Katherine dreaded,
it being the invariable forerunner of conversation, "and I don't know
who's business it is, but somebody ought to look after that Mr. 'Ardy.
'Is friends ought to be written to, m'm."
Katherine felt a pang of remorse.
"Why? Is Mr. Hardy ill?"
"I didn't say he was ill. But if I was to tell _you_, miss----"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account