Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good ManBashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
General
Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good Man
Bashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories; Satire
Then Ezekiel concluded, and after some words from myself, a special
meeting of the Union was arranged, at which all our listeners, including
Miss Moonbeam, solemnly engaged themselves to be present. It was to take
place, we agreed, on the following Sunday week, at the Porter Street
Drill Hall in Camberwell, and at Miss Moonbeam’s suggestion, Mr.
Chrysostom Lorton was to be invited to say a few words.
“I didn’t know you knew him,” I said.
“Nor I do,” she replied. “But as he’s the publisher of all these
beautiful booklets, I thought it would be so nice if he would just stoop
for a moment to mingle with the sinners for whom they are intended.”
“A splendid idea,” I said, “and a most intelligent one, and we’ll
circularize the churches and chapels, and hold the meeting at nine in
the evening, when the congregations will be able to be present.”
“Oh, that’ll be capital,” she said. “I should love to see a
congregation.”
“And Ezekiel and myself,” I said, “will be the chief speakers.”
She clapped her hands and looked at Ezekiel.
“Oh, Mr. Stool,” she cried, “what a meeting.”
Ezekiel beamed at her.
“Yes, it ought to be worth going to,” he said, “and I shall reserve a
chair for you next the President.”
Then she drew me aside again.
“And you must have supper with me first,” she said, “just you and me and
a few of my friends.”
“My dear Mary,” I said, “nothing would delight me more.”
“I feel a whole new world,” she said, “opening before me.”
Upon the following Sunday week, therefore, at half-past seven, I stood
outside her house in Bedford Square, and the next moment I was being led
upstairs by a modestly dressed parlourmaid in a white cap. Clad myself
in a well-fitting morning coat with a hand-knitted waistcoat and a
velveteen tie, I found Miss Moonbeam with her men and women companions
eagerly awaiting me in evening dress. About a dozen in all, they
included the naval officer and two young men, whom she introduced as her
brothers, while there were several females who greeted me with
deference, but whose chests, as I pointed out to them, were inadequately
covered. They begged my pardon, however, with the not unreasonable
excuse that the standards I had set them were not easily reached, and at
my urgent request, Miss Moonbeam provided them with napkins to make good
the deficiency. This having been attended to, we then went downstairs to
a capacious dining-room on the ground floor, where an excellent meal was
ushered in with some admirably prepared chicken soup.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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