Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good ManBashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
General
Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good Man
Bashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories; Satire
It was with an eye, therefore, comparatively clear that I once more
approached Paternoster Towers and with a hand almost steady that I again
knocked at its front door. Nor was the strange parlourmaid that received
my card and presently conducted me to Mrs. Chrysostom’s room appreciably
less respectful in her demeanour than the gentle domestic that had first
received me. But the room itself, apart from its floor, which was now
almost lecherous in its degree of polish, was so transformed that for
several moments I could scarcely believe myself in the same apartment.
Gone was the French-looking writing-table with its reflected legs. Gone
was the nude huntress with the splinter in her calf. Gone was the oval
mirror with its indelicate Cupids. Gone even was the photograph signed
Your aff. Chrysostom. Nay, gone was the very couch with its sensuous
cushions, and in its place stood a low divan, padded it was true, and
not uncomfortably, but cushioned and draped with the sombrest purple.
There hung upon the walls, too, what were apparently lists of
commandments, engraved upon parchment in foreign characters, while in
each angle of the room stood a sort of shrine containing an alabaster
image and an electric candle. Moreover, although it was still daylight,
the curtains were drawn; a casket of incense swung from the ceiling; and
between the lists of commandments, hung various religious implements,
phylacteries, wands, and sacrificial knives.
Profound, and indeed disturbing, however, as were the changes in the
room, those in Mrs. Chrysostom were even more remarkable, although in
actual appearance she had altered very little since I had last been
obliged to interview her. It was just conceivable, in fact, that for
less disciplined eyes she might still have retained a certain
attraction, not unenhanced by the severity of her gown and the sober
arrangement of her hair. Parted at the side, this now fell over her brow
in a single yellowish-coloured wave, while her dark dress—it was still
clinging, I noticed—was unadorned in every respect. Her whole mien, too,
was entirely different, and as she drooped, as it were, into the room,
she extended her hand to me with a sort of grave surprise, as if I had
been some stranger whom she had never seen.
“How do you do?” she said, sinking upon the divan. “This is my little
temple. Won’t you sit down?”
I glanced about me.
“I can’t offer you a chair,” she said. “But you’ll find my prayer-mat
just behind you.”
Just as I put my heel upon it, however, it began to slip, and leaning
over, she put her finger upon it.
“Let me hold it,” she said, “while you lower yourself. I once had a
visitor who lost two of his trouser-buttons.”
“It was myself,” I said.
She looked at me steadfastly.
“But surely,” she said, “I haven’t seen you before?”
I bowed to her gravely.
“You certainly have,” I said.
She lifted her eyebrows a little.
“But can that be possible?” she asked.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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