Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good ManBashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
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Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good Man
Bashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories; Satire
I signified my assent, and he proceeded. But indeed it already seemed to
me to be practically flawless, while the ultimate crescendo, prepared as
I had believed myself, left me literally prostrate and fighting for
breath. My father, on the other hand, although he was perspiring freely,
seemed to have become endowed with a new lease of life, and was able
single-handed to replace the harmonium which had fallen upon its face
during his closing sentence. Then there came a low knock on the parlour
window. It was nearly eleven; we stared at each other startled; and it
was with considerable relief that we perceived the new-comer to be no
more important than Simeon Whey. Yet his errand was a kind one, although
it was a considerable time before he was sufficiently master of himself
to explain his presence, while we had already foreseen and prepared for
the tidings that had brought the admirable youth to our window.
Hearing from his father, whom my father had already consulted, of the
very great trouble with which we were threatened, he had put on his hat
and coat, wrapped his scarf round his neck, and immediately hurried to
St. James-the-Least-of-All. There, with infinite cunning and hardly less
devotion, he had managed to conceal himself behind a tombstone, where he
had awaited for nearly an hour and a half the arrival of workmen to
remove the lectern. None had come, however, and somewhere about
half-past ten, he had reluctantly abandoned his vigil and, faint with
hunger, hurried to Angela Gardens to apprise us of its result.
“Kck,” he said, when we had given him a biscuit, “I’m afraid it’ll be a
case of denunciation.”
My father nodded grimly.
“So I had anticipated,” he said. “In fact I had just been denouncing
when you knocked at the window.”
“Kck,” said Simeon—now a theological student—“I should like to have
heard you.”
My father glanced at me, and I inclined my head.
“I’ll do it again,” he said, and he returned to the harmonium.
Nor was he less powerful than on the first occasion, and I shall never
forget his effect on Simeon Whey. Beginning as before in a low voice,
yet one that was crystal clear in its penetrative capacity, for the
first five minutes or so he refused to allow himself the adventitious
aid of a single gesture. It was the gathering of the storm, as it were,
the marshalling of the hosts of heaven, composed but relentless, above
the brazen image. Then he paused for a moment, again indicating the
aspidistra that stood upon a tripod in the corner of the room.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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