“Sixteen what?” said the constable. “Manshtroad,” said Mr. Maidstone. “Shixteen Manshtroad, Grinsh.” Then he toppled forward into the constable’s arms, but recovered himself and smiled at us affectionately. The constable turned to me. “Well, if I was you, sir, I’d put him in a cab and take him home.” I stared at him in utter amazement. “But do you mean to say,” I inquired, “that you aren’t going to take him in charge?” “Oh, no need, sir,” he said, “seeing as you know the gentleman—not if you’ll put him into a cab and take him home.” “But, my good man,” I said, “how can I do that? It’s a quarter past ten, and I’m going home to bed.” “Well, we can’t leave him here,” said the constable, “or he’ll be getting into trouble. What about givin’ ’im a ’and to your own ’ouse, sir?” “To my own house?” I cried. “A person in that condition?” The constable pushed his helmet back and scratched his forehead. “Well, it’d be doin’ ’im a good turn, sir,” he said, “seein’ as ’ow the gentleman’s a friend of yours.” “On the contrary,” I said, “he’s neither a friend of mine, nor do I propose to condone his infamy.” Here Mr. Maidstone caught hold of the constable. “Shinfamous thing,” he said. “Carncondonit.” Then he sat down again and began to sing a hymn, just as a second constable came round the corner; and after conferring for a moment, they approached me once more with the suggestion that they should conduct Mr. Maidstone to Angela Gardens. “You see, sir,” they said, “we don’t want to make no trouble, and maybe some day you’ll want a ’and yourself.” For a moment, so casually were the words spoken, I scarcely realized their astounding import. But when I did so, it was, of course, instantly clear to me that I must define my position once and for all. Drawing myself up, therefore, I addressed the two constables with all the firmness of which I was capable. “You have chosen to be insolent,” I said, “and for that you may rest assured I shall report you to your superiors at my earliest convenience. But I must have you understand, now and for ever, and beyond all possibility of future cavil, that I entirely and absolutely refuse to associate myself with any evasion of the law of this land. This person, whose name is Archibald Maidstone, who is employed by Mr. Chrysostom Lorton of Paternoster Row, and whose home, if I have interpreted him rightly, is in Manchester Road, Greenwich, is not only drunk but, as his actions have proclaimed him, is also disorderly in every sense. As a Xtian gentleman, therefore, no less than as a citizen, whose trousers have been soiled by his agency, I demand you that you shall do your duty by removing him to the appropriate place of detention. And I would further have you note that I am aware of both your numbers and shall certainly inform myself of your procedure.” “Hear, hear,” said Mr. Maidstone, “more. Thashway talk to ’em. Manshtroad, Grinsh.”