I do not remember when it was she first came to me. She was a slim,
oldish nun, with a white delicate visage and eyes full of a wistful
sadness, neither blue nor grey. Her voice was very low, and gave me the
same intense pleasure with which the soft touch of her thin small hands
thrilled me. She was called Mother Aloysius, and painted pictures for
the chapel and for the convent. Did she know what had happened, and had
she taken the community's debt to me upon her lean shoulders? Or was I
merely for her a sick and naughty little girl, to whom she was drawn by
sympathy?
She never spoke of my whipping, nor did I. Perhaps with the unconscious
delicacy of sensitive childhood I divined that it would pain her. More
probably still, I was only too glad to be enfolded in the mild warmth of
her unquestioning tenderness. Wickedness dropped from me as a wearisome
garment, and, divested of its weight, I trotted after her heels like a
little lapdog. She took me with her everywhere; into the big garden
where she tended the flowers, and where she allowed me to water and dig
myself out of breath, fondly persuaded that the fate of the flowers next
year depended upon my exertions; to her work-room, where in awed
admiration I watched her paint, and held her brushes and colours for
her; to the chapel where she changed the flowers, and where I gathered
the stalks into little hills and swept them into my pinafore. And all
the time I talked, ceaselessly, volubly,--not of past sufferings, nor of
present pain, but of the things that surprised and perplexed me, of the
countless things I wanted to do, of the tales of Tyburn and the white
lady.
When I was well enough to go back to daily woe and insufficient food, I
was dressed in hat and jacket and strong boots, and while I stood in the
hall the awful superioress issued from the community-room and looked at
me coldly.
"You have had your lesson, Angela. You will be a good child in future, I
hope," she said, and touched my shoulder with a lifeless gesture.
The mischievous impulse of saucy speech and wicked glance died when I
encountered the gentle prayer of my new friend's faded eyes. I was only
a baby, but I understood as well as if I had been a hundred what those
kind and troubled eyes said, glancing at me behind the woman she must
have known I hated. "Be good, dear child; be silent, be respectful.
Forgive, forget, for my sake." I swallowed the angry words I longed to
utter on the top of a sob, and went and held up my cheek to Mother
Aloysius.
"You're a brave little girl, Angela," she said, softly. "You'll see, if
you are good, that reverend mother will let you come down and spend a
nice long day with me soon again; and I'll take you to water the flowers
and fill the vases in the chapel, and watch me paint up-stairs.
Good-bye."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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