Autobiography of a Pocket-HandkerchiefCooper, James Fenimore
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Autobiography of a Pocket-Handkerchief
Cooper, James Fenimore
Fables; Handkerchiefs -- Fiction
I scarcely know whether to felicitate myself or not, on the
circumstance that I was brought out the very first evening I passed in
the possession of Eudosia Halfacre. The beautiful girl was dressed and
ready for Mrs. Trotter's ball by eight; and her admiring mother thought
it impossible for the heart of Morgan Morely, a reputed six figure
fortune, to hold out any longer. By some accident or other, Mr.
Halfacre did not appear--he had not dined at home; and the two females
had all the joys of anticipation to themselves.
"I wonder what has become of your father," said Mrs. Halfacre, after
inquiring for her husband for the tenth time. "It is SO like him to
forget an engagement to a ball. I believe he thinks of nothing but his
lots. It is really a great trial, Dosie, to be so rich. I sometimes
wish we weren't worth more than a million, for, after all, I suspect
true happiness is to be found in these little fortunes. Heigho! It's
ten o'clock, and we must go, if we mean to be there at all; for Mrs.
Caverly once said, in my presence, that she thought it as vulgar to be
too late, as too early."
The carriage was ordered, and we all three got in, leaving a message
for Mr. Halfacre to follow us. As the rumor that a "three-figure"
pocket-handkerchief was to be at the ball, had preceded my appearance,
a general buzz announced my arrival in the salle a manger-salons. I
have no intention of describing fashionable society in the GREAT
EMPORIUM of the WESTERN WORLD. Every body understands that it is on the
best possible footing--grace, ease, high breeding and common sense
being so blended together, that it is exceedingly difficult to analyze
them, or, indeed, to tell which is which. It is this moral fusion that
renders the whole perfect, as the harmony of fine coloring throws a
glow of glory on the pictures of Claude, or, for that matter, on those
of Cole, too. Still, as envious and evil disposed persons have dared to
call in question the elegance, and more especially the retenue of a
Manhattanese rout, I feel myself impelled, if not by that high
sentiment, patriotism, at least by a feeling of gratitude for the great
consideration that is attached to pocket-handkerchiefs, just to declare
that it is all scandal. If I have any fault to find with New York
society, it is on account of its formal and almost priggish quiet--the
female voice being usually quite lost in it--thus leaving a void in the
ear, not to say the heart, that is painful to endure. Could a few young
ladies, too, be persuaded to become a little more prominent, and quit
their mother's apron-strings, it would add vastly to the grouping, and
relieve the stiffness of the "shin-pieces" of formal rows of
dark-looking men, and of the flounces of pretty women. These two slight
faults repaired, New York society might rival that of Paris; especially
in the Chausse d'Autin. More than this I do not wish to say, and less
than this I cannot in honor write, for I have made some of the warmest
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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