_Sept. 27th_. Have not stirred from the house. But I have not heard
any voice but Flora's. She has been uncommonly amiable and
fascinating, and I--am I not rather bewitched? I cannot keep my
resolution of not being flirted with. I cannot be wise, and reserved,
and indifferent. Am I trifling? Or am I in earnest? Indeed I don't
know. I only know I am constantly at the side of Little Handsome,
without knowing how I came there. She makes me sing with her, ride
with her, walk with her, at her will, and as if that was not enough
for one day, to test her power over me, to-night she made me dance
with her. And now I feel like a fool as I think of Etty playing a
waltz for us, at Flora's request, and giving me a long, serious look
as I approached the piano to compliment her playing. I could not utter
a word. I answered her gaze with one as sober, and more sad, and came
away to my room, to have some talk with my real self. Now for it.
Says I to Myself, "A truce to your upbraidings, you old scold; tell me
at once how you find yourself affected towards this charming little
Flora."
Says Myself, "There are no tastes in common between her and me."
Says I, quickly, "Music!" and triumphed a moment or two.
But the snarling old fellow asked whether I liked her singing, or her
flattery? For his part, he thought we both liked to hear our own
voices, and agreed in nothing else. Taste, indeed! when I would not
let her sing a song I cared a fillip for.
In short, my self-communion ended in some very sage resolutions. I
feared the beautiful head with the shining curls was somewhat
vacant. And the heart,--was that empty likewise? Or was that hidden
cell the home of all the loveliest affections, the firmest and purest
faith and motive, every thing that should be there to rule the
life--and--my picture on the wall? A question this.--Does she love me?
"O yes!" answered vanity. "O no!" said good sense, "not at all. If
your picture is in her heart, it is one of a whole gallery. Don't be
a fop. It is not your character. Don't let Flora make a fool of you."
And I resolved--
_Sept. 27th_. A very dull day. "You are as sober as a judge," said
Flora at breakfast. I caught Etty's eye,--but it said nothing. Aunt
Tabitha, who yesterday evidently thought me in desperate case, and
once inquired about my income very significantly, now suspected a
quarrel between Flora and me. I was embarrassed, and overturned the
cream. "No great loss," said Etty, seeing that I was chagrined. "As
easy made up as a lovers' quarrel," said Aunt Tabitha. Silly old
woman! No, silly young fellow! Flora has revenged herself on me as she
meant to do, for defying her power. She has turned my head; made me
act like a simpleton. But "Richard's himself again," and wiser than he
was.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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