My sufferings were over. In a short time I had slid down and was making
my way through the dewy morn toward my home. Before the sun was up,
or more than starting, I had climbed to my casement by means of a wire
trellis, and put on my 'robe de nuit'. But before I settled to sleep I
went to the pantry and there satisfied the pangs of hunger having had
nothing since breakfast the day before. All the lights seemed to be on,
on the lower floor, which I considered wasteful of Tanney, the butler.
But being sleepy, gave it no further thought. And so to bed, as the
great English dairy-keeper, Pepys, had said in his dairy.
It seemed but a few moments later that I heard a scream, and opening my
eyes, saw Leila in the doorway. She screamed again, and mother came and
stood beside her. Although very drowsy, I saw that they still wore their
dinner clothes.
They stared as if transfixed, and then mother gave a low moan, and said
to Sis:
"That unfortunate man has been in jail all night."
And Sis said: "Jane Raleigh is crazy. That's all." Then they looked at
me, and mother burst into tears. But Sis said:
"You little imp! Don't tell me you've been in that bed all night. I KNOW
BETTER."
I closed my eyes. They were not of the understanding sort, and never
would be.
"If that's the way you feel I shall tell you nothing," I said wearily.
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" mother said, in a slow and dreadful voice.
Well, I saw then that a part of the truth must be disclosed, especially
since she has for some time considered sending me to a convent, although
without cause, and has not done so for fear of my taking the veil. So I
told her this. I said:
"I spent the night shut in a clothes closet, but where is my secret.
I cannot tell you."
"Barbara! You MUST tell me."
"It is not my secret alone, mother."
She caught at the foot of the bed.
"Who was shut with you in that closet?" she demanded in a shaking voice.
"Barbara, there is another wretched man in all this. It could not have
been Mr. Beecher, because he has been in the station house all night."
I sat up, leaning on one elbow, and looked at her earnestly.
"Mother" I said, "you have done enough damage, interfering with
careers--not only mine, but another's imperiled now by not having a
last act. I can tell you no more, except"--here my voice took on a deep
and intense fiber--"that I have done nothing to be ashamed of, although
unconventional."
Mother put her hands to her face, and emitted a low, despairing cry.
"Come," Leila said to her, as to a troubled child. "Come, and Hannah can
use the vibrator on your spine."
So she went, but before she left she said:
"Barbara, if you will only promise to be a good girl, and give us a
chance to live this scandal down, I will give you anything you ask for."
"Mother!" Sis said, in an angry tone.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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