_But when I get that lonely spell, I simply seek the best hotel, no
matter in what town I be--St. Paul, Toledo, or K.C., in Washington,
Schenectady, in Louisville or Albany. And at that inn it hits my
dome that I again am right at home. If I should stand a lengthy
spell in front of that first-class hotel, that to the drummers
loves to cater, across from some big film theayter; if I should
look around and buzz, and wonder in what town I was, I swear that I
could never tell! For all the crowd would be so swell, in just the
same fine sort of jeans they wear at home, and all the queens with
spiffy bonnets on their beans, and all the fellows standing round
a-talkin’ always, I’ll be bound, the same good jolly kind of guff,
’bout autos, politics and stuff and baseball players of renown that
Nice Guys talk in my home town!_
_Then when I entered that hotel, I’d look around and say, “Well,
well!” For there would be the same news-stand, same_ _magazines
and candies grand, same smokes of famous standard brand, I’d find
at home, I’ll tell! And when I saw the jolly bunch come waltzing in
for eats at lunch, and squaring up in natty duds to platters large
of French Fried spuds, why then I’d stand right up and bawl, “I’ve
never left my home at all!” And all replete I’d sit me down beside
some guy in derby brown upon a lobby chair of plush, and murmur to
him in a rush, “Hello, Bill, tell me, good old scout, how is your
stock a-holdin’ out?” Then we’d be off, two solid pals,
a-chatterin’ like giddy gals of flivvers, weather, home, and wives,
lodge-brothers then for all our lives! So when Sam Satan makes you
blue, good friend, that’s what I’d up and do, for in these States
where’er you roam, you never leave your home sweet home._
“‘Yes, sir, these other burgs are our true partners in the great game of
vital living. But let’s not have any mistake about this. I claim that
Zenith is the best partner and the fastest-growing partner of the whole
caboodle. I trust I may be pardoned if I give a few statistics to back
up my claims. If they are old stuff to any of you, yet the tidings of
prosperity, like the good news of the Bible, never become tedious to the
ears of a real hustler, no matter how oft the sweet story is told! Every
intelligent person knows that Zenith manufactures more condensed milk
and evaporated cream, more paper boxes, and more lighting-fixtures, than
any other city in the United States, if not in the world. But it is not
so universally known that we also stand second in the manufacture of
package-butter, sixth in the giant realm of motors and automobiles, and
somewhere about third in cheese, leather findings, tar roofing,
breakfast food, and overalls!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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