“Do you really, precious? Do you care a bit?”
“Why certainly! You don’t suppose I’d be here if I didn’t!”
“Now see here, young man, I won’t have you speaking to me in that huffy
way!”
“I didn’t mean to sound huffy. I just--” In injured and rather childish
tones: “Gosh almighty, it makes me tired the way everybody says I sound
huffy when I just talk natural! Do they expect me to sing it or
something?”
“Who do you mean by ‘everybody’? How many other ladies have you been
consoling?”
“Look here now, I won’t have this hinting!”
Humbly: “I know, dear. I was only teasing. I know it didn’t mean to talk
huffy--it was just tired. Forgive bad Tanis. But say you love me, say
it!”
“I love you.... Course I do.”
“Yes, you do!” cynically. “Oh, darling, I don’t mean to be rude but-- I
get so lonely. I feel so useless. Nobody needs me, nothing I can do for
anybody. And you know, dear, I’m so active-- I could be if there was
something to do. And I _am_ young, aren’t I! I’m not an old thing! I’m
not old and stupid, am I?”
He had to assure her. She stroked his hair, and he had to look pleased
under that touch, the more demanding in its beguiling softness. He was
impatient. He wanted to flee out to a hard, sure, unemotional man-world.
Through her delicate and caressing fingers she may have caught something
of his shrugging distaste. She left him--he was for the moment buoyantly
relieved--she dragged a footstool to his feet and sat looking
beseechingly up at him. But as in many men the cringing of a dog, the
flinching of a frightened child, rouse not pity but a surprised and
jerky cruelty, so her humility only annoyed him. And he saw her now as
middle-aged, as beginning to be old. Even while he detested his own
thoughts, they rode him. She was old, he winced. Old! He noted how the
soft flesh was creasing into webby folds beneath her chin, below her
eyes, at the base of her wrists. A patch of her throat had a minute
roughness like the crumbs from a rubber eraser. Old! She was younger in
years than himself, yet it was sickening to have her yearning up at him
with rolling great eyes--as if, he shuddered, his own aunt were making
love to him.
He fretted inwardly, “I’m through with this asinine fooling around. I’m
going to cut her out. She’s a darn decent nice woman, and I don’t want
to hurt her, but it’ll hurt a lot less to cut her right out, like a good
clean surgical operation.”
He was on his feet. He was speaking urgently. By every rule of
self-esteem, he had to prove to her, and to himself, that it was her
fault.
“I suppose maybe I’m kind of out of sorts to-night, but honest, honey,
when I stayed away for a while to catch up on work and everything and
figure out where I was at, you ought to have been cannier and waited
till I came back. Can’t you see, dear, when you _made_ me come, I--being
about an average bull-headed chump--my tendency was to resist? Listen,
dear, I’m going now--”
“Not for a while, precious! No!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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