Back to Methuselah: A Metabiological PentateuchShaw, Bernard
Philosophy
Back to Methuselah: A Metabiological Pentateuch
Shaw, Bernard
Drama
LUBIN. I confess that had not occurred to me [_he sits down abruptly,
evidently very unfavorably affected by this new light_].
_Savvy and Haslam look at one another with unspeakable feelings._
BURGE. Do you think it would be wise to go quite so far at first? Surely
it would be more prudent to begin with the best men.
FRANKLYN. You need not be anxious about that. It will begin with the
best men.
LUBIN. I am glad to hear you say so. You see, we must put this into a
practical parliamentary shape.
BURGE. We shall have to draft a Bill: that is the long and the short of
it. Until you have your Bill drafted you don't know what you are really
doing: that is my experience.
LUBIN. Quite so. My idea is that whilst we should interest the
electorate in this as a sort of religious aspiration and personal hope,
using it at the same time to remove their prejudices against those of us
who are getting on in years, it would be in the last degree upsetting
and even dangerous to enable everyone to live longer than usual.
Take the mere question of the manufacture of the specific, whatever
it may be! There are forty millions of people in the country. Let
me assume for the sake of illustration that each person would
have to consume, say, five ounces a day of the elixir. That
would be--let me see--five times three hundred and sixty-five
is--um--twenty-five--thirty-two--eighteen--eighteen hundred and
twenty-five ounces a year: just two ounces over the hundredweight.
BURGE. Two million tons a year, in round numbers, of stuff that everyone
would clamor for: that men would trample down women and children in the
streets to get at. You couldnt produce it. There would be blue murder.
It's out of the question. We must keep the actual secret to ourselves.
CONRAD [_staring at them_] The actual secret! What on earth is the man
talking about?
BURGE. The stuff. The powder. The bottle. The tabloid. Whatever it is.
You said it wasnt lemons.
CONRAD. My good sir: I have no powder, no bottle, no tabloid. I am not a
quack: I am a biologist. This is a thing thats going to happen.
LUBIN [_completely let down_] Going to happen! Oh! Is that all? [_He
looks at his watch_].
BURGE. Going to happen! What do you mean? Do you mean that you cant make
it happen?
CONRAD. No more than I could have made you happen.
FRANKLYN. We can put it into men's heads that there is nothing to
prevent its happening but their own will to die before their work is
done, and their own ignorance of the splendid work there is for them to
do.
CONRAD. Spread that knowledge and that conviction; and as surely as the
sun will rise tomorrow, the thing will happen.
FRANKLYN. We don't know where or when or to whom it will happen. It may
happen first to someone in this room.
HASLAM. It wont happen to me: thats jolly sure.
CONRAD. It might happen to anyone. It might happen to the parlor maid.
How do we know?
SAVVY. The parlor maid! Oh, thats nonsense, Nunk.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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