THE ELDERLY GENTLEMAN. Is this land private property? If so, I make no claim. I proffer a shilling in satisfaction of damage (if any), and am ready to withdraw if you will be good enough to shew me the nearest way. [_He offers her a shilling_]. THE WOMAN [_taking it and examining it without much interest_] I do not understand a single word of what you have just said. THE ELDERLY GENTLEMAN. I am speaking the plainest English. Are you the landlord? THE WOMAN [_shaking her head_] There is a tradition in this part of the country of an animal with a name like that. It used to be hunted and shot in the barbarous ages. It is quite extinct now. THE ELDERLY GENTLEMAN [_breaking down again_] It is a dreadful thing to be in a country where nobody understands civilized institutions. [_He collapses on the bollard, struggling with his rising sobs_]. Excuse me. Hay fever. THE WOMAN [_taking a tuning-fork from her girdle and holding it to her ear; then speaking into space on one note, like a chorister intoning a psalm_] Burrin Pier Galway please send someone to take charge of a discouraged shortliver who has escaped from his nurse male harmless babbles unintelligibly with moments of sense distressed hysterical foreign dress very funny has curious fringe of white sea-weed under his chin. THE GENTLEMAN. This is a gross impertinence. An insult. THE WOMAN [_replacing her tuning-fork and addressing the elderly gentleman_] These words mean nothing to me. In what capacity are you here? How did you obtain permission to visit us? THE ELDERLY GENTLEMAN [_importantly_] Our Prime Minister, Mr Badger Bluebin, has come to consult the oracle. He is my son-in-law. We are accompanied by his wife and daughter: my daughter and granddaughter. I may mention that General Aufsteig, who is one of our party, is really the Emperor of Turania travelling incognito. I understand he has a question to put to the oracle informally. I have come solely to visit the country. THE WOMAN. Why should you come to a place where you have no business? THE ELDERLY GENTLEMAN. Great Heavens, madam, can anything be more natural? I shall be the only member of the Travellers' Club who has set foot on these shores. Think of that! My position will be unique. THE WOMAN. Is that an advantage? We have a person here who has lost both legs in an accident. His position is unique. But he would much rather be like everyone else. THE ELDERLY GENTLEMAN. This is maddening. There is no analogy whatever between the two cases. THE WOMAN. They are both unique. THE ELDERLY GENTLEMAN. Conversation in this place seems to consist of ridiculous quibbles. I am heartily tired of them. THE WOMAN. I conclude that your Travellers' Club is an assembly of persons who wish to be able to say that they have been in some place where nobody else has been. THE ELDERLY GENTLEMAN. Of Course if you wish to sneer at us-- THE WOMAN. What is sneer? THE ELDERLY GENTLEMAN [_with a wild sob_] I shall drown myself.