The two days dragged by, in torment, for him. It seemed as if they would
never be over, so that he might face the truth by himself, with Strong
out of the picture, and decide what must be done. Bambi noticed his
strained politeness to their guest, but set it down to the same
inconsistency he had shown before, of being jealous of what he did not
especially value himself.
Monday, after Strong's departure, she began to realize that there was a
change in him. He was taciturn and moody. The work went badly. He
disagreed with her at every point, and when she suggested that they stop
an hour earlier than usual, he went off by himself, without asking her
to go. She began to wonder whether his dislike of Strong was really
serious and something to be taken cognizance of.
Jarvis strode off into the country in a state of nerves unknown before.
A sleepless night and the irritation of the day's work had played their
havoc with him. He went over the thing again and again. Bambi and Strong
loved each other--he stood in the way. Why should he not take himself
out of the situation at once? "She married me for a whim; she will
unmarry me the same way," he reiterated to himself. "Why did she do it,
in the first place, unless she cared something for me? But she told me
she had no sentiment for me," he replied to his other self. "It was
ambition that made her do it. She thought I would be famous. I've
disappointed her, and she's through with me." He went over every
incident of their reunion--his thrill at her welcome. "She didn't really
care; it was just her way," he assured himself.
For hours he plunged through the woods, pursued by his bitter thoughts.
When he turned back at last, into the garden, he knew that a precious,
new-born thing, which he had brought back with him after his exile, was
laid away, never to be allowed to come into full flower and maturity.
His decision was made. He temporized on one point. He would stay on
until the play was produced, so that if it succeeded, as he was
determined it should, Bambi would have that much satisfaction from her
matrimonial experiment. Then he would let her divorce him, and he would
take himself out of her life.
She was in the library when he went in. She caught sight of his face,
and exclaimed:
"Jarvis, my dear, how tired you look!"
He started to go, but she detained him.
"Is anything the matter, Jarvis?"
"No, what should be the matter?"
"I don't know, but if there is anything you want to talk out with me,
let's have it now. We can't afford to have any misunderstandings
between us."
"There is nothing," he said, and left the room.
That night, after dinner, he sat late in his study, writing. Two days
later the result of the evening's work came to Bambi:
"DEAR AUTHOR LADY: Some days ago I sent you my new address, so that you
need not send letters to the theatre, but so far I have not heard from
you. To-night, for some reason, I feel moved to write to you as I would
wish to talk to you were you near me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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