Barren Honour: A NovelLawrence, George A. (George Alfred)
General
Barren Honour: A Novel
Lawrence, George A. (George Alfred)
Fiction
There never was a more thorough-going democrat. From his birth his
sympathies and instincts had all taken the same direction, and these had
been strengthened and embittered by his mother's evil training. He
disliked the patrician order intensely; but their society seemed to have
a strange fascination for him, judging from the pertinacity he displayed
in endeavouring to gain and confirm a footing there. He would intrigue
for certain invitations in the season as eagerly as a French deputy
seeking the red ribbon of honour. Yet he was always uncomfortable when
his point was gained, and he found himself half way up the much-desired
staircase. The mistress of the mansion greeted him probably with the
self-same smile that she vouchsafed to nine-tenths of the five hundred
guests who crowded her rooms; but Knowles would torment himself with the
fancy that there was something compassionate or satirical in the fair
dame's look, as if she penetrated a truth, of which he was himself
conscious--that he had no business to be there. He felt that, if he got
a fair start, he could talk better than the majority of the men around
him; but he felt, too, that he had no chance against the most listless
or languid of them all. They were on their own ground, and the intruder
did not care to match himself against them there; his position was far
too constrained, his footing too insecure. How he hated them, for the
indolent _nonchalance_ and serene indifference that he would have given
five years of life to be able to assume! A wolfish ferocity would rise
within him as he watched a beardless Coldstreamer dropping his words
slowly, as if each were worth money and not lightly to be parted with,
into the delicate ear of a haughty beauty from whom Knowles scarcely
dared to hope for a recognising bow. The innocent object of his wrath
was probably only sacrificing himself to the necessities of the
position, while his thoughts reverted with a tender longing to the
smoking room of his club, or anticipated the succulent chop that Pratt's
was bound to provide for him before the dawning.
In all other respects, Harding was as little sensitive as the most
obstinate of pachyderms. He did not know what shame meant, and an
implied insult that would have roused another savagely would scarcely
attract his notice. You have seen one instance of this already. But he
was nervously and morbidly alive to the minutest point affecting his
position in society. After assisting at one of those assemblies of the
_haute volée_, he would review in his memory every incident of the
evening, and would be miserable for weeks afterwards if he thought he
had made himself ridiculous by any awkwardness of manner or any
incongruity of word or deed. If the choice had been forced upon him, he
would have committed a forgery any day, sooner than a _gaucherie_.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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