As for me, who sometimes feel in me the ridicule of a prophet, I know that I shall never find in myself the charity of a doctor. Lost in this vile world, jostled by the crowds, I am as a tired man who sees behind him, in the depths of the years, only disillusion and bitterness and ahead, only a storm that carries nothing new, neither knowledge nor grief. The evening that man Stole from fate a few hours of pleasure, cradled in his digestion, forgetful--as far as possible--of the past, content with the present and resigned to the future, intoxicated with his sangfroid and his dandyism, proud of being less base than those who passed, he said, watching the smoke of his cigar: "What does it matter to me where these consciences are going?" I think I have achieved what mechanics call an extra. However, I shall retain these pages,--because I want to date my sadness. MY HEART LAID BARE I Of the vaporization and the centralization of the ego. All lies in that. Of a certain sensual joy in the society of extravagants. (I plan to begin _My Heart Laid Bare_ at any point, in any way, and to continue it from day to day, following the inspiration of the occasion and the moment, provided that the inspiration be vivid.) II The first comer, if he can entertain, has the right to speak of himself. III I understand that some people desert a cause to discover what they can experience in serving another. It might be pleasant to bet alternately victim and executioner. IV Woman is the opposite of the dandy. Thus she must inspire horror. Woman is hungry, and she wants to eat, thirsty, and she wants to drink. She is proud, and she, wants to be.... True merit! Woman is _natural_, that is to say, abominable. Also, she is always vulgar, that is, the opposite of the dandy. _In regard to the Legion of Honor_. He who seeks the cross seems to say: "If I am not decorated for having done my duty, I shall not go ahead." If a man has merit, what is the good in decorating him? If he has not, then he can be decorated, since that will give him a lustre. To consent to be decorated, is to recognize that the state has the right to judge you, to adorn you, et cetera. Furthermore, if not pride, Christian humility should defend the cross. _Calculation in favor of God._ Nothing exists without an end. Hence my existence has an end. What end? I do not know. Hence it is not I that have marked it. Hence it is some one wiser than I. Hence I must pray to some one to enlighten me. That is the wisest part. The dandy ought to aspire uninterruptedly to be sublime. He should live and sleep before a mirror. V Analysis of counter-religions; example: sacred prostitution. What is sacred prostitution? Nervous excitation. Pagan mysticism. Mysticism, link between paganism and Christianity. Paganism and Christianity are reciprocal proofs. Revolution and the worship of Reason prove the concept of Sacrifice. Superstition is the reservoir of all truths. VI