Well, it was her misfortune; it could not affect the solemn truth. What
should she do now, how should she endure her life when her eyes no
longer saw his eyes, and her ears never heard his voice? She saw the
future stretch itself before her as a vision. She saw herself forgotten
by this man whom she loved, or from time to time remembered only with a
faint regret. She saw herself growing slowly old, her beauty fading
yearly from her face and form, companioned only by the love that grows
not old. Oh, it was bitter, bitter! and yet she would not have it
otherwise. Even in her pain she felt it better to have found this deep
and ruinous joy, to have wrestled with the Angel and been worsted, than
never to have looked upon his face. If she could only know that what
she gave was given back again, that he loved her as she loved him, she
would be content. She was innocent, she had never tried to draw him to
her; she had used no touch or look, no woman’s arts or lures such as
her beauty placed at her command. There had been no word spoken,
scarcely a meaning glance had passed between them, nothing but frank
and free companionship as of man with man. She knew he did not love his
wife and that his wife did not love him—this she could _see_. But she
had never tried to win him from her, and though she sinned in thought,
though her heart was guilty—oh, her hands were clean!
Her restlessness overcame her. She could no longer lie in bed.
Elizabeth, watching through her veil of sleep, saw Beatrice rise, put
on a wrapper, and, going to the window, throw it wide. At first she
thought of interfering, for Elizabeth was a prudent person and did not
like draughts; but her sister’s movements excited her curiosity, and
she refrained. Beatrice sat down on the foot of her bed, and leaning
her arm upon the window-sill looked out upon the lovely quiet night.
How dark the pine trees massed against the sky; how soft was the
whisper of the sea, and how vast the heaven through which the stars
sailed on.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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