Geoffrey was not a truly ambitious man; he was no mere self-seeker. He
knew the folly of ambition too well, and its end was always clearly
before his eyes. He often thought to himself that if he could have
chosen his lot, he would have asked for a cottage with a good garden,
five hundred a year, and somebody to care for. But perhaps he would
soon have wearied of his cottage. He worked to stifle thought, and to
some extent he succeeded. But he was at bottom an affectionate-natured
man, and he could not stifle the longing for sympathy which was his
secret weakness, though his pride would never allow him to show it.
What did he care for his triumphs when he had nobody with whom to share
them? All he could share were their fruits, and these he gave away
freely enough. It was but little that Geoffrey spent upon his own
gratification. A certain share of his gains he put by, the rest went in
expenses. The house in Bolton Street was a very gay place in those
days, but its master took but little part in its gaieties.
And what was the fact? The longer he remained separated from Beatrice
the more intensely did he long for her society. It was of no use; try
as he would, he could not put that sweet face from his mind; it drew
him as a magnet draws a needle. Success did not bring him happiness,
except in the sense that it relieved him from money cares.
People of coarse temperament only can find real satisfaction in worldly
triumphs, and eat, drink, and be merry, for to-morrow they die! Men
like Geoffrey soon learn that this also is vanity. On the contrary, as
his mind grew more and more wearied with the strain of work, melancholy
took an ever stronger hold of it. Had he gone to a doctor, he might
have been told that his liver was out of order, which was very likely
true. But this would not mend matters. “What a world,” he might have
cried, “what a world to live in when all the man’s happiness depends
upon his liver!” He contracted an accursed habit of looking on the
black side of things; trouble always caught his eye.
It was no wonderful case. Men of large mind are very rarely happy men.
It is your little animal-minded individual who can be happy. Thus
women, who reflect less, are as a class much happier and more contented
than men. But the large-minded man sees too far, and guesses too much
of what he cannot see. He looks forward, and notes the dusty end of his
laborious days; he looks around and shudders at the unceasing misery of
a coarse struggling world; the sight of the pitiful beggar babe craving
bread on tottering feet, pierces his heart. He cannot console himself
with a reflection that the child had no business to be born, or that if
he denuded himself of his last pound he would not materially help the
class which bred it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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