_1 Gent._ I'm but thinking on't. I've heard you wish these five years for a place. Now there's one fall'n, and freely without money too; And empty yet, and yet you cannot have't. _Lap._ No? what's the reason? I'll give money for't, Rather than go without Sir. _1 Gen._ That's not it Sir: The troth is, there's no Gentleman must have it Either for love or money, 'tis decreed so; I was heartily sorry when I thought upon you, Had you not been a Gentleman, I had fitted you. _Lap._ Who I a Gentleman? a pox I'm none, Sir. _1 Gent._ How? _Lap._ How? why did you ever think I was? _1 Gent._ What? not a Gentleman? _Lap._ I would thou'dst put it upon me i'faith; Did not my Grand-father cry Cony-skins? My Father _Aquavitæ_? a hot Gentleman: All this I speak on, i' your time and memory too; Only a rich Uncle dy'd, and left me chattels, You know all this so well too-- _1 Gent._ Pray excuse me, Sir, ha' not you Arms? _Lap._ Yes, a poor couple here, That serve to thrust in wild-Fowl. _1 Gent._ Heralds Arms, Symbols of Gentry, Sir: you know my meaning; They've been shewn and seen. _Lap._ They have. _1 Gen._ I fex have they. _Lap._ Why I confess, at my wives instigation once, (As Women love these Heralds kickshawes naturally) I bought 'em: but what are they think you? puffs. _1 Gent._ Why, that's proper to your name being _Lapet_. Which is _La fart_, after the _English_ Letter. _Lap._ The Herald, Sir, had much adoe to find it. _1 Gent._ And can you blame him? Why, 'tis the only thing that puzles the devil. _Lap._ At last he lookt upon my name agen, And having well compar'd it, this he gave me, The two Cholliques playing upon a wind Instrument. _1 Gent._ An excellent proper one; but I pray tell me, How does he express the Cholliques? They are hard things. _Lap._ The Cholliques? with hot trenchers at their bellies; There's nothing better, Sir, to blaze a Chollique. _1 Gent._ And are not you a Gentleman by this Sir? _Lap._ No, I disclaim't: no belly-ake upon earth Shall make me one: he shall not think To put his gripes upon me, And wring out gentry so, and ten pound first. If the wind Instrument will make my wife one, Let her enjoy't, for she was a Harpers Grand-child: But Sir, for my particular, I renounce it. _1 Gent._ Or to be call'd so? _Lap._ I Sir, or imagin'd. _1 Gent._ None fitter for the place: give me thy hand. _Lap._ A hundred thousand thanks, beside a Bribe, Sir. _1 Gent._ Yo[u] must take heed Of thinking toward a Gentleman, now. _Lap._ Pish, I am not mad, I warrant you: nay, more Sir, If one should twit me i'th' teeth that I'm a Gentleman, Twit me their worst, I am but one since _Lammas_, That I can prove, if they would see my heart out.