England -- Fiction; Families -- Fiction; Farms -- Fiction; Older men -- Fiction
Even on the days when he went into the house he did not always go
upstairs, because it meant going too near the dividing-line of which
he was afraid. More often, he sauntered through the rooms below, into
the sudden whiteness of the dairy or the still little parlour shut
like a Sabbath book. Through every window as he passed, a picture
flashed that was old to him and yet strange. He saw each of them now
as if mounted and set in a frame. Things changed about the house
to match his memories as they came, but they never passed beyond a
certain point, and every one of them was mellow and sweet with time.
Looking back, he saw nothing that struck him as being new. It was
all much too beautiful for that.
When he did get to the bedroom at last, there was always shadow
there. He went into the shadow as he went up the stair, and met it
when he opened the door. Through the windows, when he looked out,
there was no sun on the marsh, only the faint rising of a moon.
Somewhere out in the uncertain dark was the quiet plashing of the
sea. It was the hour when the world is nothing and some one person
is all; when Heaven comes easily, and earth as easily goes. So would
death come, he thought, his own good death. Some day he would enter
the house for the last time, and climb the stair and open and shut
the door. Through the shadows for the last time he would see the
things stand out that they had shared, and that perhaps they might
find again on the other side. The bits of carpet that their feet had
worn; the bed where they had heard each other’s breathing in the
night; handles and hooks that hand after hand had touched. The sea
would be there for the last time, because in Heaven there would be
no sea. He would lean out to it, but would only hear it, silver and
cool. Then he would let himself summon her out of the dark, because
now there would be no need of turning back, and however she came she
would be just right, whether fresh and young or grey and wrinkled
and bowed. They would put out their arms to each other, and find each
other there.... Death, that seemed so dreadful to folk, meant only
that.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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