It struck the lieutenant at once that the usually buoyant spirits of
his attendant had of late been materially sobered down, his loquacity
obviously circumscribed, and that he, the said lieutenant, had actually
rung his bell three several times that very morning before he could
procure his attendance. Mr. Maguire was forthwith summoned, and
underwent a close examination. The "bobbery" was easily explained. Mr.
Oliver Dobbs had hinted his disapprobation of a flirtation carrying
on between the gentleman from Munster and the lady from the Rue St.
Honoré. Mademoiselle boxed Mr. Maguire's ears, and Mr. Maguire pulled
Mademoiselle upon his knee, and the lady did _not_ cry _Mon Dieu!_ And
Mr. Oliver Dobbs said it was very wrong; and Mrs. Botherby said it was
scandalous, and what ought not to be done in any moral kitchen; and
Mr. Maguire had got hold of the Honourable Augustus Sucklethumbkin's
powder-flask, and had put large pinches of the best double Dartford into
Mr. Dobbs' tobacco-box; and Mr. Dobbs' pipe had exploded and set fire
to Mrs. Botherby's Sunday cap, and Mr. Maguire had put it out with the
slop-basin, "barring the wig;" and then they were all so "cantankerous,"
that Barney had gone to take a walk in the garden; and then--then Mr.
Barney had seen a ghost!
"A what? you blockhead!" asked Tom Ingoldsby.
"Sure then, and it's meself will tell your honour the rights of it,"
said the ghost-seer. "Meself and Miss Pauline, sir--or Miss Pauline
and meself, for the ladies comes first any how,--we got tired of the
hobstroppylous skrimmaging among the ould servants, that didn't know a
joke when they seen one; and we went out to look at the Comet,--that's
the Rory-Bory-alehouse, they calls him in this country,--and we walked
upon the lawn, and divel of any alehouse there was there at all; and
Miss Pauline said it was becase of the shrubbery maybe, and why wouldn't
we see it better beyonst the trees? and so we went to the trees, but
sorrow a Comet did meself see there, barring a big ghost instead of it."
"A ghost? And what sort of a ghost, Barney?"
"Och, then, divel a lie I'll tell your honour. A tall ould gentleman he
was, all in white, with a shovel on his shoulder, and a big torch in
his fist,--though what he wanted with that it's meself can't tell, for
his eyes were like gig-lamps, let alone the moon and the Comet, which
wasn't there at all; and 'Barney,' says he to me,--'cause why he knew
me,--'Barney,' says he, 'what is it you're doing with the colleen there,
Barney?' Divel a word did I say. Miss Pauline screeched, and cried
murther in French, and ran off with herself; and of coorse meself was in
a mighty hurry after the lady, and had no time to stop palavering with
him any way; so I dispersed at once, and the ghost vanished in a flame
of fire!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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