_Miss S._ Let me see. Oh, yes; the bed will surely cover three. (_Puts Snags into bed-chamber. Enter Poppleton._) _Pop._--Where is my charmer? (_Enter Maid, hastily._) _Maid_ (_to Pop._) Sir, you're dead as mutton; The Captain's come. Your life's not worth a button. _Pop._--Where shall I hide? _Miss S._ (_to the Maid._) Put him with t'other three; They're the same firm, "Clipclose and company." (_A heavy footstep is heard, and a sword strikes against the stairs. Enter the Captain, whistling "Darby Kelly."_) _Miss S._ (_flies into his arms._)--My own loved Guardsman, and my fancy beau. Oh, Terence Connor! (_Kissing him._) _Capt._ (_embracing her._)--Sweet Juliana, O! _Miss S._--Why did you dally, dearest; tell me all? Were you on guard? _Capt._ Yes, sweetest, at Whitehall. _Miss S._--Ah, you false man,--(_taps his cheek playfully,_)--I'll watch you close. (_Somebody sneezes within._) _Capt._ What's that? _Miss S._--Nothing, dear Terence, but the landlord's cat. (_Somebody coughs twice._) _Capt._--A cough!--another! Do cats cough so, my fair? Ha! her cheeks redden! Tell me who is there? That guilty look! Zounds! If my fears be true, He'll curse the hour he dared to visit you! (_Draws his sword, and rushes into the bed-chamber. Miss S. faints. Voices within._) _Capt._--A man!--my eyes! another!--and another! A fourth one still! _Snags._ I'm dead with fright! _Pop._ I smother! (_Capt. drives them before him into the drawing-room._) _Capt._ (_in a frenzy._)--Why, hell and Tommy! the maid whom I adore To prove untrue, and play me false with four! But all shall die! (_Captain Connor cuts No. 6. with his sword, while Clipclose and company fall upon their knees._) _Mags._ Oh, Lord! I'm dead already! _Capt._--Prepare for death! _Snags and Pop._ Indeed, sir, we an't ready. _Mr. C._--Probably, sir, affection for my wife Might plead my pardon, and reprieve my life. (_Enter, hastily, Mrs. Clipclose and Annette._) _Mrs. C._--Why, what's all this? What do my eyes discover? An errant husband, and a truant lover! (_Aside to Mr. C._)--Was it for this I gave my faith to you? (_Aside to Capt. C._)--Was it for this I drove you out to Kew, Paid cab and lunch, brown stout, and ruin blue? (_Capt. C. drops the point of his sword, and evinces great contrition for attempting the lives of the company, when enter an elderly pieman with a juvenile dealer in "all-hots," attended by two policemen. Pieman identifies Miss Smashaway._) _Pieman._--That 'ere flash madam hit me in the withers. _All-hot (pointing to Mr. Clipclose)._--And that cove knock'd my kitchen-range to shivers! _Mr. C._ (_to Policeman._)--Let me explain, sir. _Miss S._ Pray, sir, let me speak. _Policeman._--Silence! and keep your gammon for the beak. (_A rumbling noise heard underneath, attended by a disagreeable vapour._)