Mr. David has since had a "serious call," He never drinks ale, wine, or spirits, at all, And they say he is going to Exeter Hall To make a grand speech, And to preach, and to teach People that "they can't brew their malt-liquor too small!" That an ancient Welsh Poet, one PYNDAR AP TUDOR, Was right in proclaiming "ARISTON MEN UDOR!" Which means "The pure Element Is for the belly meant!" And that _Gin's_ but a _Snare_ of Old Nick the deluder! And "still on each evening when pleasure fills up," At the old Goat-in-Boots, with metheglin, each cup, Mr. Pryce, if he's there, Will get into "the Chair," And make all his _quondam_ associates stare By calling aloud to the landlady's daughter, "Patty! bring a cigar, and a glass of Spring Water!" The dial he constantly watches; and when The long hand's at the "XII," and the short at the "X," He gets on his legs, Drains his glass to the dregs, Takes his hat and great-coat off their several pegs, With his President's hammer bestows his last knock, And says solemnly,--"Gentlemen! "LOOK AT THE CLOCK!!!" THOMAS INGOLDSBY. _Tappington Everard, July 24._ SONG OF THE MONTH. No. IX. September, 1837. THE DOUBLE BARREL. BY FATHER PROUT. Duo quisque Alpina coruscat Gæsa manu.--_Æneid. lib. 8._ Παν πραγμα δυας εχει λαβας.--_Epictetus._ SEPTEMBER the first on the moorland hath burst, And already with jocund carol Each NIMROD of NOUSE hurries off to the grouse, And has shouldered his DOUBLE BARREL; For well doth he ken, as he hies through the glen, That scanty will be _his_ laurel Who hath not On the spot (Should he miss a first shot) Some resource in a DOUBLE BARREL. 'Twas the Goddess of Sport, in her woodland court, DIANA, first taught this moral, Which the Goddess of Love soon adopted, and strove To improve on the "double barrel." Hence her CUPID, we know, put two strings to his bow; And she laughs, when two lovers quarrel, At the lot Of the sot Who, to soothe him, han't got The resource of a DOUBLE BARREL. Nay, the hint was too good to lie hid in the wood, Or to lurk in two lips of coral; Hence the God of the Grape (who his betters would ape) Knows the use of a DOUBLE BARREL. His escutcheon he decks with a double XX, And his blithe _October_ carol Follows up With the sup Of a flowing ale-cup _September_'s DOUBLE BARREL. _Water-grass-hill, Kal. VII^{bres}._ GENIUS; OR, THE DOG'S-MEAT DOG. BEING A SECOND "TAILED SONNET," IN THE ITALIAN MANNER.[10] BY EGERTON WEBBE. "Hal, thou hast the most unsavoury similes."--_Falstaff._