What in fact _was_ the obscure purpose for which people were sent into
the world? It was a pleasant place on the whole for healthy persons,
but there was still a large number of individuals to whom it was by no
means a pleasant place. No choice was given us, so far as we knew, as
to whether we would enter the world or not, nor about the circumstances
which were to surround us. Our lives indeed were strangely conditioned
by an abundance of causes which lay entirely outside our control, such
as heredity, temperament, environment. One supposed oneself to be
free, but in reality one was intolerably hampered and bound.
The only theory that could satisfactorily account for life as we found
it was, that either it was an educational progress, and that we were
being prepared for some further existence, for which in some mysterious
way our experience, however mean, miserable, and ungentle, must be
intended to fit us; or else it was all a hopeless mystery, the work of
some prodigious power who neither loved or hated, but just chose to act
so. In any case it was a very slow process; the world was bound with
innumerable heavy chains. There was much cruelty, stupidity,
selfishness, meanness abroad; all those ugly things decreased very
slowly, if indeed they decreased at all. Yet there seemed, too, to be
a species of development at work. But the real mystery lay in the fact
that, while our hopes and intuitions pointed to there being a great and
glorious scheme in the background, our reason and experience alike
tended to contradict that hope. How little one changed as the years
went on! How ineradicable our faults seemed! how ineffectual our
efforts! God indeed seemed to implant in us a wish to improve, and
then very often seemed steadily and deliberately to thwart that wish.
And then, too, how difficult it seemed really to draw near to other
people; in what a terrible isolation one's life was spent; even in the
midst of a cheerful and merry company, how the secrets of one's heart
hung like an invisible veil between us and our dearest and nearest.
The most one could hope for was to be a pleasant and kindly influence
in the lives of other people, and, when one was gone, one might live a
little while in their memories. The fact that some few healthily
organised people contrived to live simply and straightforwardly in the
activities of the moment, without questioning or speculating on the
causes of things, did not make things simpler for those on whom these
questions hourly and daily pressed. The people whom one accounted
best, did indeed spend their time in helping the happiness of others;
but did one perhaps only tend to think them so, because they ministered
to one's own contentment?
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