But he had at this time a bitter disappointment. Just before his
father's death he had finished preparing a little work for publication,
a set of essays on a variety of subjects, to which he had devoted much
care and thought. To his deep vexation it met with a very contemptuous
reception. Its errors were mercilessly criticised, and it was
proclaimed to be the work of a sickly, sentimental dilettante. Hugh
found it hard to believe in the verdict; but his conviction was
established by the opinion of one of his old friends who, as kindly as
possible, pointed out that the book was both thin and egotistical.
Hugh felt as if he could never write again, and as if the chief
occupation of his life would be gone; but with renewed health his
confidence returned, and in a few weeks he was able to look the
situation in the face. The reception of the book had brought home to
him the direction in which he was drifting. He saw that a certain
toughness and hardness of fibre had been wanting. He saw that he had
tried to fill a book up out of his own mind, in a leisurely and
trifling mood. He had not attempted to grasp his subjects, but had
allowed himself to put down loose and half-hearted impressions, instead
of trying to see into the essence of the things he was describing.
But, his illness over, he was astonished to find how little both money
anxieties and the shattering of literary hopes distressed him. For the
first, it was clear that his mother and sister could live with an
adequate degree of comfort and dignity. And as for his literary hopes,
he realised that the failure had been a real revelation of his own
weakness; but he realised too that other people would forget about the
book still faster than he himself, and that no previous failures would
damn a further work, if only it possessed the true qualities of art;
and indeed from this time he dated a real increase of artistic faculty,
a sense of constraining vocation, a joy in literary labour, which soon,
like a sunrise, brightened all his horizon; and it was pleasant too,
though Hugh did not overvalue it, to find his work beginning to bring
him a definite, though slight reputation, and a position among
imaginative critics.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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