"Thank you--I beg your pardon," he said, with an air of humiliation so
great that it might have wrung a tender heart to witness. And then he
felt that he could not for very shame go off without some notice, as
he had been attempting to do. Though why he stayed to speak and what
he said, it might have puzzled him at the moment to tell. Instinct,
more than reason, prompted the words.
"She was taken off very suddenly."
Though standing close to Bessy's grave, Ellen thought he looked across
at Mrs. Cumberland's. And the latter had been last in her thoughts.
"Yes. I feared we should not get her home in time. And I feel sure
that the journey was fatal to her. If she had remained quiet, she
would not have died quite so soon."
"It was of Bessy I spoke."
"Oh--I thought you alluded to Mrs. Cumberland. Mrs. Cumberland's death
has made so much difference to me, that I suppose my mind is much
occupied with thoughts of her. This is the first time I have been
here."
Both were agitated to pain: both could fain have pressed their hearts
tightly to still the frightful beating there.
"Ellen, I should like to say a word to you," he suddenly exclaimed,
turning his face to her for a moment, and then turning it away again.
"I am aware that nothing can excuse the deep shame of my conduct in
not having attempted any explanation before. To you I cannot attempt
it. I should have given it to Mrs. Cumberland if she had not died."
Ellen made no answer. Her eyes were bent on the ground.
"The subject was so intensely painful and--and awkward--that at first
I did not think I could have mentioned it even to Mrs. Cumberland.
Then came my illness. After that, whilst I lay day after day, left to
my own reflections, things began to present themselves in rather a
different light; and I saw that to maintain silence would be the most
wretched shame of all. I resolved to disclose everything to Mrs.
Cumberland, and leave her to repeat it to you if she thought it well
to do so--as much of it, at least, as would give you some clue to my
strange and apparently unjustifiable conduct."
Ellen's eyes were still lowered, but her hands trembled with the
violence of her emotion. She did not speak.
"Mrs. Cumberland's death, I say, prevented this," continued Captain
Bohun, who had gathered a little courage now that the matter was
opened: "and I have felt since in a frightful dilemma, from which I
see no escape. To you I cannot enter on any explanation: nor yet am I
able to tell you why I cannot. The subject is altogether so very
painful----"
Ellen lifted her head suddenly. Every drop of blood had deserted her
face, leaving it of an ashen whiteness. The movement caused him to
pause.
"I know what it is," she managed to say from between her white and
trembling lips.
"You--know it?"
"Yes. All."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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