American fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, American
“It would certainly make a hit,” said Webster, feeling that he was
once more rehabilitated in his wife’s affections and confidence. “You
say the Gurleys’ publicity agent has already gazetted their hospitable
designs? Excellent! The more advance work they do on the job the
better. We’ll give a jar to the pickles--that’s the game! Did you get
that, Gertie? Pickles, a jar of pickles; a jar to the pickle industry?”
“I was thinking,” said Mrs. Burgess, with a far-away look in her eyes,
“how charming the folk dances would be and I must see the settlement
house superintendent about choosing just the _right_ children. But,
Web, is it _possible_ to do this so _no one_ will know?”
“Don’t worry about that,” he assured her. “Arrange your luncheon and
do it right. I’ve heard somewhere that a great delicacy in Illyria is
broiled grasshoppers, or maybe it’s centipedes. Better look that up to
be sure not to poison our faithful ally. You’d better whisper to Mrs.
Eastman that you’ll want the Governor, but tell her it’s to meet a
prison reformer or a Congo missionary; Eastman is keen on those lines.
And ask a few pretty girls and look up the Illyrian religion and get a
bishop to suit.”
“But you haven’t told me how you _mean_ to do it, Web. Of course we
must be careful----”
“Careful!” repeated Burgess shaking himself into his top coat in the
hall door. “My name is discretion. You needn’t worry about that part of
it! The whole business will be taken care of; dead or alive you shall
have the Illyrians.”
II
Wrong Number, locked up in the directors’ room of the White River
National, studied timetables and maps and newspaper clippings bearing
upon the Western pilgrimage of the Illyrian Commission. In fifty words
Webster G. Burgess had transferred to his shoulders full responsibility
for producing the Illyrians in the Burgess home, warning him it must be
done with all dignity and circumspection.
“That’s for expenses,” said Burgess, handing him a roll of bills. “This
job isn’t a bank transaction--you get me? It’s strictly a social event.”
Wrong Number betrayed no perturbation as the president stated the case.
Matters of delicacy had been confided to him before by his patron--the
study of certain horses he thought of buying and wished an honest
report on, the cautious sherlocking of a country-town customer who
was flying higher than his credit; the disposal of the stock of an
automobile dealer whose business had jumped ahead of his capital;--such
tasks as these Wrong Number had performed to the entire satisfaction of
his employer.
In a new fall suit built by Burgess’s tailor, with a green stripe
instead of a blue to differentiate it from the president’s latest, and
with a white carnation in his lapel (Mrs. Burgess provided a pink one
for Web every morning), Wrong Number brooded over this new problem for
two days before he became a man of action.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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