Beyond These VoicesBraddon, M. E. (Mary Elizabeth)
General
Beyond These Voices
Braddon, M. E. (Mary Elizabeth)
Fiction
"_Selon les règles._ No! Be kind, Father, and let me talk to you here.
I will keep nothing back this time. There shall be no more secrets--no
surprises. I have come to the end of my book. She is dead, and I have
nothing left to care about--nothing left to hide. There is not a joy
this world can offer to man for which I would hold up a finger now she
is gone."
"What do you want me to do for you?"
"What you did for me six years ago. Open the gate of a refuge where a
sinner may hide the remnant of a worthless life, where I may spend the
last dregs in the cup, drop by drop, where I may die day by day, on my
knees, in penitential prayer."
"I opened that gate. You were safe in such a refuge; and you broke out
again and came back to the world, twenty times worse than you were
before. The life you have been leading since you married Provana's
widow is about the most worthless, the most abject life that a
reasonable being could lead, the life of empty pleasure, of sensuality
and self-indulgence, a life that debases the man himself, and corrupts
and ruins his associates."
"I had to forget. If all that the world calls pleasure could have been
distilled into one little drug that would have blotted out remembrance,
I should have wanted no more race-horses, no more racing yachts, no
more flying-machines, no more cards or dice, only that one little drug.
Father, when I stood before you six years ago in this room, a miserable
wretch, I had to keep my secret for her sake. I have nothing to hide
now. It was I who killed Mario Provana."
"I knew."
"You knew?"
"Yes, I knew that night as much as I know now. I knew the guilt you
wanted to hide in a cloister. I knew your sin and your remorse; but I
doubted your perseverance; a doubt that was too speedily justified by
the event."
"It was the fatal course my mother took. She brought Vera to the place
where I thought that I and my sin were buried. I did not yield without
a struggle; in long days of depression, in long nights of fever, I
wrestled with Satan for my soul. I called upon my manhood, my honour,
my will-power, and I even thought that I had conquered; and then, in an
instant, my passionate heart gave way, and I walked out of that house
of rest, a fallen spirit. But, oh, the rapture of the moment when I
held her in my arms, and told her that I renounced all--the hope of
heaven, the certainty of peace--for her love."
"Oh, the pity of it, my unhappy Claude!"
"You ask me no questions, Father?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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