“I remember that as far back as my memory goes I had the habit of _gazing at older, vigorous men_ almost involuntarily and with a feeling full of longing, without knowing what it meant. As to masturbation I thought that I fell into the habit because I had no chance to come into contact with women. As a matter of fact I did occasionally entertain friendly relations with certain girls who appeared to be strongly attached to me; _but I always saw to it that these love excitations were ‘nipped in the bud’_ because I was _afraid I should be unable to carry out my role_ to the end. Finally I decided to seek relief among prostitutes, who were otherwise repellent to my esthetic and moral sense, but the attempts proved useless: either I found myself unable to carry out the normal sexual act at all or if I did it, I experienced no satisfaction and thereafter I was also plagued with the fear of infection. I did have rather frequently the opportunity to enter into amorous relations with married women but I never did so even though I inwardly scorned my shyness and my oversensitive conscience. Although these facts are true, I must not omit to mention the chief thing responsible for the whole situation, namely, the fact that I am homosexual in my inclination and that the other sex has hardly any attraction for me. “I believed myself totally unfit for ordinary sexual relations when I found one day that the sight of the _membrum virile_ alone made the blood boil in me with excitement. I then recalled that this had occasionally happened before, although not to such a remarkable extent. Secretly I had to face the plain fact that I was ‘not like others.’ This fact which I had previously suspected and of which I grew more and more convinced, brought me to the brink of despair. “Then it happened that a simple little girl fell deeply in love with me, and I made up my mind to start relations with her. During the time while this lasted, a period of several months, my inclination towards the male sex persisted though occasionally I tried to subdue it; but to overcome it completely was for me, I found, impossible. I was still keeping up my relations with the girl when I once noticed in a public lavatory an elderly gentleman who appealed to me very strongly; he scrutinized me carefully and bent over in order _membrum meum videre_, came close by, moved forward his hand shaking with excitement and ... _membrum meum tetigit_. I was so surprised and scared that I ran off at once and for some time after that I avoided passing by that place. But my impulsion was the greater on that account to meet that man again; this was not at all difficult.... In this continuous struggle, so meaningless and so useless, against an instinct which was at least partly inborn in me, I have squandered my best energies, although I have long ago reached the point of realizing that in itself the instinct is neither morbid nor sinful.” (_Bloch_, l.c., P. 545.)