Around thirteen a school boy taught me to masturbate. I did not do it often because I feared it was sinful and it kept me in continuous anxiety. Then a book fell into my hands describing the terrible consequences of the habit. That scared me off completely, and as a positive protection, when I was about fourteen and a half I swore over grandfather’s grave that I would have nothing to do with sexual matters till my twentieth year. I suffered a great deal in consequence on account of my pent-up desires. But I was fairly faithful to my oath. At fourteen I joined a higher institution. My preparation was far below that of my colleagues and one of the teachers warned me that I might not be able to keep up with the course at that institution. That worried me a great deal. It affected me considerably to think that in this way I might be hampered in the free choice of a vocation. At the first examination it turned out that only I and one other student passed successfully and I looked upon that as a divine favor, the more so because my very affectionate grandmother prayed for me continually. I was permitted to take the course on condition that I should earn for myself remission of the school fees, which amounted to a considerable sum. Only the best scholars received free tuition. I plunged zealously into the subjects on which my preliminary preparation was weak. My thrifty zeal was not flawless. I was always confident that God was with me and I thought that I owed to his intervention, rather than to my constant application the position of a scholar of the first rank which I had attained in two years’ time. During that period I came again into contact with that girl who was the first to initiate me into sexual matters. Her presence continually disturbed me. When I was about seventeen and a half I had some innocent love affairs with some other girls, but although opportunities for coitus were frequent, I never took advantage of them. Reason: my fear of immoral deeds. I slept with my sister and a girl cousin in one room. I concentrated my attention upon the girl cousin. The frequent allurements kept me in a continuous state of agitation the more so because I could see that the cousin, too, had to struggle hard to suppress her inclinations and desires. I withstood all temptation and remained innocent. Towards the end of the school years I came into closer contact with a girl who had already previously attracted my attention. We became deeply interested in one another, but we could meet only occasionally and that under very strict conditions. We had to part in the end; as I really loved the girl it made me suffer a great deal. During the occasions when we did steal away to our secret trysting place I felt a peculiar excitation which settled on my stomach; if I ate it caused me nausea.