A week or so after their return, in sorting over some of her belongings,
she came across the check Charlie had given her: that two hundred and
seventy dollars which represented the only money she had ever earned in
her life. She studied it a minute, then went out to where her husband
sat perched on the verandah rail.
"You might cash this, Jack," she suggested.
He glanced at the slip.
"Better have it framed as a memento," he said, smiling. "You'll never
earn two hundred odd dollars so hard again, I hope. No, I'd keep it, if
I were you. If ever you should need it, it'll always be good--unless
Charlie goes broke."
There never had been any question of money between them. From the day
of their marriage Fyfe had made her a definite monthly allowance, a
greater sum than she needed or spent.
"As a matter of fact," he went on, "I'm going to open an account in your
name at the Royal Bank, so you can negotiate your own paper and pay your
own bills by check."
She went in and put away the check. It was hers, earned, all too
literally, in the sweat of her brow. For all that it represented she had
given service threefold. If ever there came a time when that hunger for
independence which had been fanned to a flame in her brother's kitchen
should demand appeasement--she pulled herself up short when she found
her mind running upon such an eventuality. Her future was ordered. She
was married--to be a mother. Here lay her home. All about her ties were
in process of formation, ties that with time would grow stronger than
any shackles of steel, constraining her to walk in certain ways,--ways
that were pleasant enough, certain of ease if not of definite purpose.
Yet now and then she found herself falling into fits of abstraction in
which Roaring Lake and Jack Fyfe, all that meant anything to her now,
faded into the background, and she saw herself playing a lone hand
against the world, making her individual struggle to be something more
than the petted companion of a dominant male and the mother of his
children. She never quite lost sight of the fact that marriage had been
the last resort, that in effect she had taken the avenue her personal
charm afforded to escape drudgery and isolation. There was still
deep-rooted in her a craving for something bigger than mere ease of
living. She knew as well as she knew anything that in the natural
evolution of things marriage and motherhood should have been the big
thing in her life. And it was not. It was too incidental, too
incomplete, too much like a mere breathing-place on life's highway.
Sometimes she reasoned with herself bluntly, instead of dreaming, was
driven to look facts in the eye because she did dream. Always she
encountered the same obstacle, a feeling that she had been defrauded,
robbed of something vital; she had forgone that wonderful, passionate
drawing together which makes the separate lives of the man and woman who
experiences it so fuse that in the truest sense of the word they become
one.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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