Bill Nye and Boomerang: Or, The Tale of a Meek-Eyed Mule, and Some Other Literary GemsNye, Bill
General
Bill Nye and Boomerang: Or, The Tale of a Meek-Eyed Mule, and Some Other Literary Gems
Nye, Bill
American wit and humor
Perhaps I am too easily picked up in this manner, but I cannot help
sympathizing with deserving newspaper men who lack many of the comforts
of life. I have been there. I know what it is to battle with a cold
world and wrestle with hunger. But now in the midst of prosperity, my
heart goes out for these vagrants in such a way that just as I begin to
get affluent, I find some subject for my charity, and I have to begin
over again.
On Monday last a young man with a hopeful light in his eye, alighted
from the eastern-bound train, and going into the Thornburg House,
registered his name, at least we will play that it was his name, for no
one else has since called in to claim it.
We will call him Brown as a matter of convenience. His front name, as
I afterward learned, was Ward. I might say that, in putting this report
together, another Ward has been heard from, but I leave that for the
docile reader to do as he or she may see fit.
Mr. Brown then proceeded to get acquainted with the people of Laramie
and be sociable. He was not so reticent as some prominent newspaper men
are, but seemed to be the rollicking, jovial kind. He said that he
was the travelling correspondent of the Salt Lake _Tribune_ and also
represented the Louisville _Courier-Journal_.
I wondered at the time what in the name of all that was handsome, the
_Courier-Journal_ wanted to pay a man and send him to the front for,
with Laramie City as his objective point. Bye-and-bye he crossed my path
and made himself known. Said he knew me by reputation, and then I began
to get alarmed. I was afraid he was a detective. But he wasn't. I drew
him out on the subject of Harry Watterson. He knew blank. Knew him well.
Had slept with him. He and Hank had been drunk together several times.
Then I felt proud. He was an intimate friend of a great man, and sitting
there talking with an unsophisticated youth like me just as naturally as
life. It sounds like a book. I asked him up to my office, and made him
sit in my best chair--the one with the four good legs--while I took
the foundered one. I told him to make himself perfectly free with the
luxuriant furniture of the office, and invited him to spit on the floor
whenever it came handy. I told him that I knew great men didn't want to
feel hampered while chewing tobacco, and that I wanted my guests to feel
at ease.
He then took his knife, cut off a piece of tobacco, about the size of
a paper weight, threw it back till it struck the gable-end of his mouth
with a hollow thud, and proceeded to unroll the most gorgeous panorama
of falsehoods that I ever listened to. Casually, while putting the
fresco work on my floor, he took out a letter from Watterson, and showed
it to me. Watterson writes about the same kind of a copper-plate hand
that I do.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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