Bill Nye and Boomerang: Or, The Tale of a Meek-Eyed Mule, and Some Other Literary GemsNye, Bill
General
Bill Nye and Boomerang: Or, The Tale of a Meek-Eyed Mule, and Some Other Literary Gems
Nye, Bill
American wit and humor
Symptom 7 times.--Several solitary horsemen start out, with some
pack-mules, and blank location notices, and valley tan. The plot
deepens. The telegraph gets red-hot. Men who have been impecunious, for
lo, these many years, come around to pay some old bills. Poor men buy
spotted dogs and gold-headed canes. Stingy men get reckless, and buy the
first box of strawberries without asking the price.
I have caught the epidemic myself.
I am getting reckless. Instead of turning my last summer lavender pants
hind side before, and removing the ham sandwich lithograph on the front
breadths, I have purchased a new pair.
I never experienced such a wild, glad feeling of perfect abandon.
I go to church and chip in for the heathen, perfectly regardless of
expense. If Zion languishes, I come forward and throw in the small
currency with a lavish hand.
Banks, offices, hotels, saloons and private residences show specimens of
quartz carrying free gold and carbonates, hard, soft, and medium soft,
with iron protoxide of nitrogen, rhombohedral glucose indications of
valedictory and free milling oxide of anti-fat in abundance.
Nellis, who lives near the Mill Creek carbonate claims, came in to town
the other day to get an injunction against the miners, so that he could
injunct them from prospecting in his cellar, and staking his pie-plant
bed.
When he goes out after dark to drive the cow out of his turnip patch, he
falls over a stake every little while, with a notice tacked on it, which
sets forth that the undersigned, viz., Johnny Comelately, Joe Newbegin,
Shoo Fly Smith, and Union Forever Dandelion claim 1,500 feet in length,
by 600 feet in width for mineral purposes on this claim, to be known as
"The Gal with the skim-milk Eye," together with all dips, spurs, angles
or variations, gold, silver, or other precious metals therein contained.
Mr. Nellis says he is glad to see a "boom," and at first he did all he
could to make it pleasant for prospectors; but lately he thinks that
their sociability has become too earnest and too simultaneous.
I told him that the only way I could see to avoid losing his grip, and
having his string-beans dug up prematurely, was to stake the entire
ranche as a placer claim, buy him a Gatling gun that would shoot the
large size of buckshot, and then trust in the mysterious movements of an
overruling Providence.
I do not know whether he took my advice or not; but I am looking
anxiously along the Mill-Creek road every day, for a six mule team
loaded with disorganized remains, and driven by a man who looks as
though he had glutted his vengeance, and had two or three gluts left
over on his hands.
THE GREAT ROCKY MOUNTAIN REUNION OF YALLER DOGS.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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