And so the evening slipped along, the hours told, not by a water-clock,
like King Alfred’s, but a wine-chronometer. Meantime the table seemed a
sort of Epsom Heath; a regular ring, where the decanters galloped round.
For fear one decanter should not with sufficient speed reach his
destination, another was sent express after him to hurry him; and then a
third to hurry the second; and so on with a fourth and fifth. And
throughout all this nothing loud, nothing unmannerly, nothing turbulent.
I am quite sure, from the scrupulous gravity and austerity of his air,
that had Socrates, the field-marshal, perceived aught of indecorum in
the company he served, he would have forthwith departed without giving
warning. I afterward learned that, during the repast, an invalid
bachelor in an adjoining chamber enjoyed his first sound refreshing
slumber in three long, weary weeks.
It was the very perfection of quiet absorption of good living, good
drinking, good feeling, and good talk. We were a band of brothers.
Comfort--fraternal, household comfort, was the grand trait of the
affair. Also, you could plainly see that these easy-hearted men had no
wives or children to give an anxious thought. Almost all of them were
travellers, too; for bachelors alone can travel freely, and without any
twinges of their consciences touching desertion of the fireside.
The thing called pain, the bugbear styled trouble--those two legends
seemed preposterous to their bachelor imaginations. How could men of
liberal sense, ripe scholarship in the world, and capacious
philosophical and convivial understandings--how could they suffer
themselves to be imposed upon by such monkish fables? Pain! Trouble! As
well talk of Catholic miracles. No such thing.--Pass the sherry,
sir.--Pooh, pooh! Can’t be!--The port, sir, if you please. Nonsense;
don’t tell me so.--The decanter stops with you, sir, I believe.
And so it went.
Not long after the cloth was drawn our host glanced significantly upon
Socrates, who, solemnly stepping to a stand, returned with an immense
convolved horn, a regular Jericho horn, mounted with polished silver,
and otherwise chased and curiously enriched; not omitting two lifelike
goats’ heads, with four more horns of solid silver, projecting from
opposite sides of the mouth of the noble main horn.
Not having heard that our host was a performer on the bugle, I was
surprised to see him lift this horn from the table, as if he were about
to blow an inspiring blast. But I was relieved from this, and set quite
right as touching the purposes of the horn, by his now inserting his
thumb and forefinger into its mouth; whereupon a slight aroma was
stirred up, and my nostrils were greeted with the smell of some choice
Rappee. It was a mull of snuff. It went the rounds. Capital idea this,
thought I, of taking snuff about this juncture. This goodly fashion must
be introduced among my countrymen at home, further ruminated I.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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