"Forgive me for asking your friend to give you this note--I only
did it because I feared in writing to you to refer to what
happened. Is it asking too much, Bertha, to beg you not to
resent it? Not to hate me for to-night? Think of my shame and
misery about it--to think I had pressed and begged you to come
to be insulted in my house. You see now what I have tried to
conceal. I am utterly miserable. My wife is terrible and
impossible. Seeing you occasionally had been my one joy--my only
consolation. And only to-night--before--you had been telling me
not to come and see you any more. Now I feel our friendship is
all over. I could not expect you to see me again. You are such
an angel, that you will, if I ask you, I believe, try to wipe
out from your memory this horrible evening! I would rather have
died than it should have happened. Of course, you see now that
by instinct Mary guessed right--I mean in knowing my feeling for
you--though heaven knows I haven't deserved this. She's
screaming for me, and I must stop. All I ask is, don't hate me!
I'm so miserable when I think that you, beautiful angel as you
are, might have belonged to me. I doubt if I shall be able to
live this life much longer.
"In humblest apology, and with that deep feeling that writing
can never express, your idolising
"NIGEL.
"_P.S._--I ought not to have written that. But I fear so much
that I may not see you again, and that this may be my last
letter, and I feel I would like you to know honestly all I feel
for you. But words may not bear such burdens. Send me one word,
only one word of pardon."
Bertha was obviously shocked and surprised at this letter. She folded it
up, looking grave. Then she said to Madeline:
"What a very extraordinary thing it has been that both Mary and Percy
have been suspicious and jealous of Nigel and myself, while there's
been absolutely nothing in it!"
"But they both felt by instinct, perhaps, that that was no fault of
his," returned Madeline.
"I have no sympathy with him," said Bertha, who seemed for her quite
hard. "If he does like me, all the more he ought to have kept away.
Besides, it's only because he wants to be amused! What right has he to
make his wife unhappy, when he deliberately chose her, and to be
willing--if he is willing--to smash up my happiness with Percy?"
"Of course that's horrid of him," said Madeline; "but somehow I do think
his wife is rather awful; I think she might do anything. But won't you
answer his letter?"
"Yes; I think I'd better write him a line," said Bertha.
She sat down and wrote:
"DEAR MR. HILLIER,--Pray don't think again of the unpleasant
little incident.
"I have already forgotten it.
"I think that if you will make your children the interest of
your life--though it's very impertinent of me to say
so--happiness must come of it.
"Good-bye. Yours very sincerely,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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